Steadfastness and Encouragement: lectio divina

Romans 15: 4-6

⁴

For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, so that by steadfastness and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope.

⁵May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, in accordance with Christ Jesus, ⁶so that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

My thanks to a fellow student, Liz, who led a lectio divina meditation on this passage at chapel yesterday. I'd like to share those steps and this passage with you.

Read this aloud the first time and just let it wash over you. Take it all in and sit for a minute with it.

Read it a second time and listen for a word or phrase that speaks to you particularly and spend a couple of minutes meditating, focusing on that word or phrase.

For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, so that by steadfastness and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope.

⁵May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, in accordance with Christ Jesus, ⁶so that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Read it a third time and be open to whatever feeling, emotion, or image comes to you, and focus on that for a minute or so.

For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, so that by steadfastness and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope.

⁵May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, in accordance with Christ Jesus, ⁶so that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Read it a fourth and final time and let the passage lead you into prayer.

For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, so that by steadfastness and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope.

⁵May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, in accordance with Christ Jesus, ⁶so that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The phrase that struck me yesterday was "steadfastness and encouragement." That is truly a gift of God's presence with us. The image I had was of a grand and glorious choir singing in harmony, and I could hear the chord. My prayer is one of hope, that the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant for us all that we live in harmony with one another.
Amen.

Soul Keeping: Spiritual Wholeness

The soul is not some metaphysical construct, not separate from the body, mind and emotions. The soul is the same essence as, is the spark from, the Divine, and so theologians struggle to find metaphors for something that is omnipresent within each person. Ronald Rolheiser defines it: "Our soul is not something that we have, it is more something we are. It is the very life-pulse within us, that which makes us alive."(Ronald Rolheiser, The Holy Longing, New York, NY: Doubleday, 1999, p. 12) So, keeping the soul cannot neglect the physical self, the mental self, the emotional self, or any part of one's self. Keeping the soul is central to each person's health, wholeness and well-being. Paradoxically, why then is soul keeping such a challenge, especially for ministry?

There is a certain inherent arrogance, yet vulnerability in many of the helping professions. Feeling the call to ministry, to teaching, or to service says on one hand that one knows that she has something worthwhile to give, while on the other, when facing burnout, fearing that there's really nothing worth giving inside. This echoes the dynamic in the soul as the desire to give, and give—pouring out energy, is balanced against our need to seek union and communion with the divine, with the still small voice in ourselves. Rolheiser explains that the soul has two functions: it must keep us energized and vibrant, full of desire, and it must keep us glued together or integrated, in oneness, and that "these two functions of the soul are always in a creative tension." (Rolheiser, p. 13-14.) If these two functions are out of balance, then going to the extreme of either can lead to one's end: a wild dissipation of energy or a slow stultification or turning completely inward and stagnant. Soul keeping then must include the practices that provide energy, the practices that encourage oneness, and the practices that bring those two into balance. Through life's demands, as ministers and as people, we lose touch with either our desires or our integration, or sometimes both. As we seek recovery in our spiritual selves, we then have to recognize our default soul patterns, and have to find compensating practices, and incentivizing and motivating practices to restore balance. Soul keeping is about finding and owning the spiritual practices that both fill the energy well, and sustain the integrated self: mind, body, spirit. It is not just about the reflective and quiet; it must also be about the vibrant and exciting. Soul keeping may be alone or within community or sometimes, too often, in spite of the community.

Where to start then, with those practices? "This is the first, wildest, and wisest thing I know," says Mary Oliver, "that the soul exists, and that it is built entirely out of attentiveness." (Quoted in Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness, San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 2004, p. 34.) Thus out of the tension of the soul's creative functions must come attention, and also intention, a stretching toward (from the Latin tendere) that is both readiness and resolve. (Webster's 9th Collegiate dictionary) Webster's Dictionary alternatively defines attention as notice or observation. First, then, in soul keeping, especially as ministers, we need to open our eyes, our ears, our selves to what is around us. Especially in things that don't nurture our souls we are barraged with what's going on, and that is much of the problem, because it leads to inattention. "Two streams in our culture contribute to our inattention. One is secularism, which regards the human self as a social construct with no created core; the other is moralism, which regards all concern for self as "selfish." (Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness, p. 35.) To pay attention, we must know or discover the love of God the creator for each of us, and we must reflect that love for and in ourselves and in everything else as part of God's creation. We are unique souls, loving, loved and lovable. We must tend ourselves, and love ourselves.

All of the practices that we have discussed, have done, and continue to do link together, and as well link to that great commandment of love present in all of the great faith traditions. It is, in summary, to love ourselves, our neighbors and our God. I define spirituality as being in relationship with yourself, others, the Other--as you experience or express that which is greater than you, and with all of creation/the universe. We are all spiritual beings, and it is my hope that in sharing these practices with you that you and I are becoming more spiritually, mentally and emotionally healthy and whole and able to be in loving relationship with ourselves and with others and with God, the Divine and Whole Other. Perhaps we are not yet Olympic caliber in our emotional, mental and spiritual health, but we have practices that point the way.

Thank you for sharing yourselves, your stories, your sacred time and for listening attentively to my stories as well. My thanks also to those classmates, colleagues, teachers and spiritual leaders who companion me and have guided and are guiding my own work and journey on this path for spiritual wholeness. I hope that they see the fruit of their work and of the Spirit reflected here. I suspect this will be my final posting on this blog for a while, as I must focus on other projects for a while. I welcome your comments both here and directly.

Sabbath in Blessings—attention and gratitude

In the first two chapters of Genesis there are three blessings: at the end of the fifth day when God blessed the birds and sea creatures to be fruitful and multiply; at the end of the sixth day when God blessed the animals, creeping things, and humankind to be fruitful and multiply. "And on the seventh day God finished the work that God had done, and God rested on the seventh day from all the work that God had done. So God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all the work that God had done in creation." Genesis 2:2-3. Abraham Joshua Heschel notes that, "It is, indeed, a unique occasion at which the distinguished word qadosh [holy] is used for the first time … How extremely significant is the fact that it is applied to time: 'And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy.' There is no reference in the record of creation to any object in space that would be endowed with the quality of holiness." (Abraham Joshua Heschel, The Sabbath, New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1951,1979, p. 9.--a wonderful book!)

To create a mini-Sabbath, a brakha or blessing can also set aside time. Time can become holy as we pause to honor gifts received or grace perceived. In the Jewish tradition there is a rich practice of saying blessings that are rituals designed to increase mindfulness, gratitude, relation and connection. "We begin in the silence that precedes any sound or movement. Jewish tradition asks that we not say a brakha until we have quieted the mind and focused our attention on the blessings' purpose." (Marcia Prager, The Path of Blessing, New York: Bell Tower, 1998, p. 31.) The spiritual practice of blessing is to open to the sacred, and "each acknowledgment of divine abundance cycles more blessing into the world." (Prager, p. 13.) In the Jewish Orthodox tradition, the goal is to say one hundred blessings a day, thus opening the world to the divine at least one hundred times each day. (Mary Beth McCauley, "100 Blessings")

With a deep breath I reached toward the basket of warm dinner rolls and lifted it up, closing my eyes to be alone with the sensations. Steamy-hot, just-baked bread. I inhaled its warm sweetness. For just a moment it seemed that I held the fertile earth sprouting ripening wheat and saw the dough rising in an extravagant explosion of yeast. My fingertips touched the hot loaves. I sang: "Barukh Ata Adonay, Eloheynu Melekh Ha'Olam, ha'motzi lechem min ha'aretz. A Fountain of Blessings are You, Source of Life of all the Worlds, Source of the nourishment that is this bread, which You bring forth from the earth."

After sharing the bread the husband spoke:
"I grew up so angry!" he said. "All these blessings, these brakhas and prayers that I had to memorize. Always some rote formula to recite, another phrase to mumble. When I finally discovered Buddhism, it was such a relief. I embraced meditation and cultivated a practice of insight and mindfulness. … One day, … I was with someone and he stopped what he was doing to make a brakha. Like you just did. Suddenly I got it! All those years of cultivating mindfulness and I didn't see. Making a brakha, the act of blessing, it IS a mindfulness practice. Mindfulness is what blessing IS." (Prager, p. 2-3)

The hallowing of time in blessing, as in observing Sabbath, gives an important foundation for the ritual practice of blessings. "In making a brakha we separate out time before we consume, use, or enjoy something of the world in order to create a space where something other than thoughtless appropriation can unfold." (Prager, p. 13.) This personal ritual has a form and spontaneity, and is done with intention, and not only can address our hopes, but also our fears. When hearing thunder, for instance, one woman prays, "Blessed are You, Hashem, our God, King of the universe, for Your strength and Your power fill the world. … Isn't that better than [telling a fearful child], 'God is bowling'?" (McCauley, "100 Blessings".)

While the practice of a full 24 hours of Sabbath is something I would recommend, the practice of blessings ties Sabbath to attention, gratitude and mindfulness in a powerful abbreviated form that can create a spacious and relaxing time in a much shorter amount of time all through the week. Bless you, and the blessings that you share.

Spaciousness/Sabbath keeping

(This is an excerpt from a longer reflection on spaciousness, found here.)
While many practices emphasize a special or sacred place, spaciousness or Sabbath keeping is about making time special or holy. While it would certainly be wonderful if you could make 24 hours each week special and spacious, it is possible to create a sense of spaciousness and Sabbath in less time.

Especially in the caring professions, we must make an intentional choice, an attentive choice to create space. Spaciousness is something we are called to in our lives and practices. "From the biblical Hebrew, the letters yodh and shin combine to form a root that connotes 'space and the freedom and security which is gained by the removal of constriction.'" (Gerald May, "Entering the Emptiness" in Simpler Living, Compassionate Life, Denver, CO: Living the Good News, 1999, p. 43)

There are three primary ways of having spaciousness in one's life: form (uncluttered and open, physical), time (pauses from demands) and soul (inner emptiness, openness and possibility). (May, p. 42-49) We are reminded of the fourth commandment, to remember the Sabbath and keep it holy. "Sabbath was meant to be a day of spaciousness in form, time and soul. It was to be an uncluttered day, a day not filled up, a day of rest and appreciation, a day of freedom just to be." (May, p. 44)

He also talks about the way that we fill our spaces or dull our awareness with television, phone calls, or a drink, to name a few. He challenges us to "realign our attitudes toward spaciousness. We must begin to see it as presence rather than absence, friend instead of enemy." Even our practices of prayer, meditation or reflection have become filled with spiritual activity, allowing no real space.

At the time, when I read that, I realized that what I most wanted and needed at that moment was some spaciousness. So after I'd put my daughter to bed, put in a load of laundry, and finished that thirty pages of reading, I looked for a spacious moment. I lit two beeswax tapers and turned out the light. I stretched, working the kinks out of my body from sitting all day. I chose several pieces of recorded music that have been spiritually connecting to me, and I sat down and stared into the candle flame, and just let myself be.

It may not have been much more than 15-20 minutes, but what a gift it was.

Then in another essay from Aurora Levins Morales, from her book Medicine Stories, she talks still more powerfully about spaciousness. She talks about leaving victimhood behind. "So what comes to mind is the high price we pay when we settle for being wronged. Victimhood absolves us from having to decide to have good lives. It allows us to stay small and wounded instead of spacious, powerful and whole. We don't have to face up to our own responsibility for taking charge of things, for changing the world and ourselves." Being spacious is freeing.

Find a motif for spaciousness in your everyday life. I am a tea drinker, and my favorite tea is Earl Grey, which is flavored with oil of bergamot. I usually buy loose tea and brew a pot each morning. I ran out a week and a half ago, but had a box of Earl Grey tea bags that carried me over for the week of class. The box of 25 bags cost $1.69. It takes two bags to make a strong enough pot of tea for my tastes. I was going to meet a friend Friday night and on my way I could pass the tea store in Harvard Square, so I went in early to get my tea. They sell their tea in grams, not pounds, so I always have to stop and think about the conversion, but last night I was too tired to ask for it in grams, but I thought I remembered how much I had paid the last time. So I asked the person at the counter for $25.00 worth of bin 212 (which is the Harvard Square Earl Grey) because I said I couldn't remember how many grams. He did a quick price check and said, "That's 250 grams. That's a lot of tea." I was struck by how odd it seemed to me that he would think that. He's selling tea, after all. I said, "I have a tin that size that it fits in, and that way I don't have to worry about running out and having to get it so often."

I realized that the whole thing around loose tea and this particular flavored tea has layers of meaning for me. I calculated that if I bought boxes of bagged tea, instead of loose, that I could get 6 months of tea for the same $25 that currently lasts me two months. So, I started to do that as I was looking for ways to save money as I started back to school. But then it seemed like I had to buy tea every time I went to the store, and I don't really have room in my cupboard to store two months worth of boxed tea. So I went back to buying loose tea. In reflection now, I realize that I like the ritual of putting the loose tea in the tea ball in the morning. I like being a "real" tea drinker with a teapot--it feels like part of a heritage of tea and civility, and soothing, and a tea bag doesn't quite meet those ritual requirements. Making tea is also a part of my morning quiet/meditation time, so it is a part of that ritual, so the ritual elements of the making are important somehow. I like having an abundant supply of tea in the cupboard so that I don't feel like I'm operating from scarcity. I like going into the tea store and asking for my favorite blend. I like that personal interaction around this symbol of civility and spaciousness, rather than throwing the box on the conveyor at the grocery store.

The hymn that came to mind as I was thinking about this and about the reading from Gerald May that talked about spaciousness again was what I used as my morning prayer:

O grant us, God, a little space from daily tasks set free.
We meet within this holy place and find security.

Around us rolls the ceaseless tide of business, toil, and care.
And scarcely can we turn aside for one brief hour of prayer.

Yet this is not the only place your presence may be found;
On daily work you shed your grace, and blessings all around.

Yours are the workplace, home and mart, the wealth of sea and land;
The worlds of science and of art are fashioned by your hand.

Work shall be prayer, if all be wrought as you would have it done;
And prayer, by you inspired and taught, shall then with work be one.
(New Century Hymnal, #516, text by John Ellerton, adapted)

May each of us find some places and moments and ways to be spacious. May you clear space, pause, and open yourself to the power that you have when you let the Divine and Holy be in your heart and life. And the next time you have a cup of tea, I hope that you take some space too.

p.s. How do we make Sabbath happen for ourselves as ministers or caregivers while we create it for others? See "Unhurried Worship" for some ideas. Alternatively, reflect on this story by Barbara Brown Taylor, and what it says to you about taking time for yourself.

Story telling: Testimony: Witness

This is a group of community practices that link to other practices

Community Story telling: In your group, tell a story about a concern or issue that is going on for your group. One person will start with "Once upon a time" and then each person in the circle will continue with either "and then …" or "but before that …" or "meanwhile, back at the ranch." One member of the group should be a recorder. Go around the circle several times, depending on the number of people. People can choose to pass if they don't have anything to add at that moment. Each turn is just a sentence, although it can be a complex sentence.
This is a safe way to get the issues out on the table, and to have all voices heard. It is a creative process to cover the history and to build vision together. (from Charles Olsen's essay in The Hidden Spirit: Discovering the Spirituality of Institutions)

Testimony: Reflect on your own story, and then with a partner or two or three, for four uninterrupted minutes tell the story of a turning point in your life, or. Your partner group will ask clarifying questions for a minute. Sit together in silence for a few minutes, as the group absorbs your story. If you want, tell your story again, and feel and hear how it changes from the attention and reflection.
This is clearly a practice of reflection and also of attention, but of getting attention. But testimony is a spiritual practice that goes by other names, and each of our stories connects us to the greater whole. National Public Radio is collecting people's stories in a wonderful format in their Story Corps.
It can also be turned into a practice of discernment if the group were to become a modified clearness committee. (See the description of a full Clearness committee here.)

Witness: Think about someone you know (personally or through reading) who has challenges or obstacles or injustices in their life. Think about either what they have done to overcome those challenges that you find inspiring, or the ways they are hurt or stuck or put down, and tell a story of what they did and how you or we could respond, i.e., bear witness on their behalf.
Read aloud the poem "Ring-Worm Boy" by W. Dow Edgerton (Volume 45, Issue 2, July 1988 issue of Theology Today. (Browse to find the volume and poem). Reflect on this poem as spiritual reading and what you might do in such a case, and discuss what witness you can bear today and how.

Breathing and chanting

Thanks to my classmate, Morgan, who brought in this breathing meditation chant. When a small group sings it, several people can take turns sitting out while the other people sing. Take a long breath in on the first phrase and blow a long breath out on the second phrase.
You could also just sing this silently in your head, as phrases to focus your meditation.

It's also very meditative just to sing this repeatedly with a group of people.

Reflection and attention for activists

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” Gandhi

From an essay by Carla Goldstein entitled "Spiritual Activism: Building The Empathy Superhighway"

Exercise for bringing more balanced attention to the means and the ends in our activism

"Recognizing that all of our actions have impact, we work to bring alignment between our dreams for peace and our actions for peace, our dreams for equality and our actions for equality, our dreams for compassion and our actions for compassion.

At the end of each day spend a few minutes reflecting (keeping a journal helps) on whether your means and ends have been in alignment on this day. Ask yourself the following questions, “Today, has my activism led me to be unkind, violent, dishonest, manipulative, unfair, or disempowering? Today, how could I have brought greater alignment between values of peace, justice, compassion, and love and my actions for peace, justice, compassion, and love? Did I do anything today that felt effective or satisfying because I brought more balance between the means and ends of my activism?

Over time, this practice of bringing awareness to the relationship between your means and ends should help you bring more compassion and love into your activism, thus bringing more compassion and love into the world."

Reflecting on grief

While our child knows how to play and create, our earliest self knows grief and sorrow too, and knows how to express it. Using the non-dominant hand bypasses a lot of our social rules processing, and lets us tap directly into that child-like core of ourself. Sometimes, it doesn't feel okay to express our grief, or we don't have a safe way to get started.
Using the technique of drawing and writing with your non-dominant hand, to get to a place of your feelings, let the dominant hand ask the question "Why are you sad, what is your loss?"

With your non-dominant hand and crayons, write or draw your answer.

Then, the dominant hand can ask the question, "what would comfort you or make you feel better?"

With your non-dominant hand and crayons, write or draw your answer.

Attention: exploring its science

I have been fascinated as I have prepared this blog to discover a number of scientific studies on 2,500 year old faith practices.
So, I invite you to take the Mindfulness Attention Awareness Scale and see what results you come up with. Honest self-appraisal is the goal here.

If you are fascinated by psychological research and statistics, you can compare your scores to the scale's average:
"A t test of the difference between MAAS scale scores of the Zen practitioner group (M 4.29, SD 0.66) and the comparison group (M 3.97, SD 0.64) was significant... These results indicate that the MAAS is sensitive to individual differences in mindfulness and suggest that the higher scores among those consciously practicing this skill are due to such training."
"Mindfulness captures a quality of consciousness that is characterized by clarity and vividness of current experience and functioning and thus stands in contrast to the mindless, less “awake” states of habitual or automatic functioning that may be chronic for many individuals."
After using a series of mind-body relaxation exercises with cancer patients: "The results of this clinical intervention study showed that higher levels of mindfulness were related to lower levels of both mood disturbance and stress before and after the MBSR [mindfulness-based stress reduction] intervention. Increases in mindfulness over the course of the intervention predicted decreases in these two indicators of psychological disturbance. These relations between the MAAS and the outcomes were found after controlling for the influences of fatigue and pain. Such results suggest that the scale can be applied to the study of well-being issues in cancer populations."
Brown, K.W. and Ryan, R.M. (2003). The benefits of being present: The role of mindfulness in psychological well-being.

Attention: present, not extorted or exhorted

Pay attention!
"For many of us, the phrase "pay attention" conjures up memories of parents, teachers, and maybe even bosses who would scold us for not being focused on what they felt we "should" be focused on." ~Curtis G. Schmitt
Being present is a gift, and cannot be extorted or exhorted, scolded or shamed into being. It only requires now, no past, no future, no money, no action.

"Try this exercise, right now. You might be in a passive reading mode and telling yourself you'll do it later, but please take this opportunity to do it now.
1. Sit quietly with your eyes closed and notice what you are experiencing. Don't judge it. Just for a moment, let go of the feeling of wanting a different experience, and pay attention to the Now.
2. Focus your attention inward and notice what you're feeling. What mood are you in? Resist the urge to judge your mood or change it. Is there a particular emotion you're feeling that you might not have been aware of a moment ago? Is there another emotion below that one, maybe subtler but still affecting how you feel?
3. Now focus your attention outward. What sounds and smells do you notice that you weren't aware of a moment ago? What sensations can you feel in your body that your mind has been filtering out until now? Focus on your big toe on your left foot or how it feels to sit in your chair. Now focus on the temperature of the air that you're breathing, the feeling in your chest as it expands and contracts, and the sound your breath makes.
Don't you feel more alive when you are present? Are you surprised by all of the things you noticed--inside and out--that you hadn't noticed before? These sensations were there all the time, only you weren't paying attention to them.
What you just did was a meditation. What I love most about this kind of meditation is that it can make the mundane feel magical. Try it the next time you brush your teeth."
~Curtis G. Schmitt

Welcome to now!

Attention: focused presence

While I think of mindfulness as openness and awareness to ourselves, to others, to the world around us, to the Divine, attention is a focusing practice, more directed than broad. Being present and focusing in the moment is powerful, both as giver and as receiver. We all love good attention.

Using the reflective practice of spiritual reading, let's start our exploration of attention with this reading by James Hillman, taken from Spiritual Literacy, ed. by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat.

"Not only persons call for service; their things do, too--the oil changed, the VCR cleaned, the dryer repaired, the message transmitted. Ceremonies of the repairman. Objects have their own personalities that ask for attention, just as the ads show the smiling bathtub that enjoys the new cleanser or the wood siding that likes the fresh stain which prevents it from decay. Treating things as if they had souls, carefully, with good manners--that's quality service ...
This idea of service demands surrender, a continuous attention to the Other. It feels like humiliation and servitude only when we identify with a ruling willful ego as mirror of a single dominating god. But what is a God is in each thing, the other world distributed within this world?
Theology calls this distribution of the divine within all things the theory of immanence, and sometimes, pantheism....
A theology of immanence means treating each thing, animate and inanimate (perhaps the distinction no longer clearly obtains), natural and man-made, as if it were alive, requiring what each living thing requires above all else: careful attention to its properties, their specific qualities. This plant needs little water; this wood won't bear great weight and burns with a smoky fire. Look at me carefully: I am an aspen, not an oak. Notice differences, pay attention, give respect (re-spect = look again). Notice what is right under your nose, at your fingertips, and attend to it as it asks, according to its needs."

If you need a reminder about the steps of spiritual reading, take a moment.

As you read and re-read this passage, what do you notice? What words or phrases draw you in? What catches your eye or ear? What speaks to your own sense of service, of attention, of care?

Then as you come out of the quiet of your meditation, and go about your day, attention is the practice of focusing on what it is you are doing. If you're getting up to make a meal, just make a meal. If you are having a conversation with your child or partner or friend, just be present for that conversation, not five other things. Thomas Keating reminds us, "This is where attentiveness to the content of the present moment is a way of putting order into the myriad occupations, thoughts, and events of daily life. Attention to this context simply means to do what we are doing. This was one of the principal recommendations of the Desert Fathers and Mothers of the fourth century. The disciple would come for instruction and say, “I am interested in finding the true self and becoming a contemplative. What should I do?” The desert guides would reply in the most prosaic language, “Do what you’re doing,” which means, bring your attention to the present moment and its immediate context and keep it there. For instance, it is time for supper. Well, put the food on the table. This is true virtue. Turning on the television at that time or making a needless phone call might not be. Attending to the present moment means that our mind is on what we are doing as we go through the day. We are thus united to God in the present moment instead of wondering about what we are going to do next or tomorrow."

Full attention to another person is perhaps one of the best gifts you can give someone. Being fully present with one another in love is the best practice for relationship health that I have found. As Keating says, "we are thus united to God in the present moment," manifesting the divine in that moment of presence.

Reflection: spiritual reading in a group

If you are fortunate enough to have or motivated to start a group, you can also do spiritual reading and reflection in a group. You can use any common texts: the Psalms, devotional materials, poetry, books.

from Weavings Magazine Guide to Spiritual Reading:
SPIRITUAL READING (lectio divina) is the ancient practice of savoring a text with patient playfulness. This way of reading is alert with expectation that a transforming word of life will make its way from the written narrative of the author to the lived narrative of the reader. Spiritual reading holds out the promise of fresh meaning, insight, or truth emerging between writer and reader that transcends time and space. Yet this experience assists the reader to enter more reflectively and faithfully into his or her own time and space. In this respect, spiritual reading embodies the pattern of the Incarnation, where Word becomes flesh for the life of the world. Peter of Celle, the great twelfth century Benedictine abbot, describes spiritual reading this way: “Reading is the soul’s food, light, lamp, refuge, consolation, and the spice of every spiritual savor. It feeds the hungry, it illuminates the person sitting in darkness; to refugees from shipwreck or war it comes with bread. It comforts the contrite heart; it contains the passions of the body with the hope of reward. When temptations attack, it counters them with the teaching and example of the saints.... In the bread box of sacred reading are breads baked in an oven, breads roasted on a grill, or cooked in a frying pan, breads made with the first fruits and sprinkled with oil, and barley cakes. So, when this table is approached by people from any walk of life, age, sex, status or ability, they will all be filled with the refreshment that suits them." Remember the invitation heard by Augustine in the garden on the threshold of his conversion: “Take and read."

Reflection: spiritual reading/lectio divina

The idea of reading holy texts, or of reading the contemplative writings of others, and reflecting upon them is among the oldest contemplative traditions. I am recommending a further, powerful step in writing down your reflections--in a journal, in a blog.
Unlike many of the exercises in this blog this is not a five minute practice, but it is possible to do five or ten minutes of reading and come back to that several times during a day. I often find that something that I read in the morning pops into my head during my commute and I can ruminate about it, but putting the reflection in written form takes some time, and I often come back to it again several times for editing and additions.

Reading poetry is a wonderful spiritual practice in itself, but spiritual reading of poetry can take you even deeper. I invite you to take a look at a process of spiritual reading of poetry :
I abbreviate it here.
1. Breathe deeply for a couple of minutes.
2. Read slowly, aloud if possible--linger over words & phrases. (If doing this as a group, take turns reading aloud, with different readers giving different voice and emphasis.)
3. Look and listen for nuance and detail.
4. Continue to read for the amount of time you've allotted.
5. Give thanks and sit in silence, waiting to hear what else might speak to you from this reading.
6. Record your reflections in your journal.
7. Pick one gleaning to carry with you for the day.

Reflect upon this poem by Sufi poet Rumi, translated by Daniel Ladinsky from the anthology, Love Poems from God.

HEY

The grass beneath a tree is content
and silent.

A squirrel holds an acorn in its praying hands,
offering thanks, it looks like.

The nut tastes sweet; I bet the prayer spiced
it up somehow.

The broken shells fall on the grass,
and the grass looks up
and says,
"Hey."

And the squirrel looks down
and says,

"Hey."

I have been saying "Hey" lately too,
to God.

Formalities just weren't
working.

Read the poem aloud, as well as silently. How does this poem speak to you? What phrases stay with you the first time? What new things do you notice the second time? Write your thoughts.

Vary the emphasis and inflection, particularly on the the word "Hey." Is it a tone of wonder, intrusion, friendliness, irritation, or something else? How does that change the meaning of the poem?

Check out the list of poetry links to the right for both daily written and audio poems.

Creating: The medium doesn't matter

It really doesn't take too much material to be creative. Mostly it takes letting go and being in touch with your own inner creator. The person who says "I'm not creative" is uttering blasphemy.

Crafts: make a small investment in a packet of pipe cleaners, clay, crayons, construction paper. Create things. Decorate your desk, computer, office, refrigerator.
Do origami--see the earlier post on Forgiveness rituals for links.

Arts: paint, draw, sculpt

In "Saved from Freezing: Spiritual Practice, Art Practice" Zoketsu Norman Fischer makes the case that art practice can be a saving spiritual practice.

Creating can also be temporal and just of the moment. Creating can be a wonderful communal or community spiritual practice.

Dance: do a hand dance—put on a piece of instrumental music, and just moving your hands, interpret what you think the music means. Watch and focus on your hands. Discover all the ways you can move your hands. Do this with a partner, and have your partner watch and at the end, interpret and describe your dance. Then, both of you do a hand dance and see what is different when you create together.

Music:
Ah: in a group, sing an "ah" together, starting on a unison note and then change notes as you like. Continue breathing and singing. Listen to what is happening, and what happens with harmonies, dissonances, and sound.

Tell Stories: share a story, or make up a story by alternating telling each sentence of the story. This is a wonderfully playful exercise with children. You might start with some traditional story, but in dialog you have the power to create an entirely new story.
With a little more structure, I have used a shared group story telling for planning and visioning, or just getting on the same page at the workplace. Start with “once upon a time,” and continue with either “and then” or “but before that.” Tell the story of what is important, what is your shared vision, what are the dependencies, what is your history. [Adapted from Charles M. Olsen's work, found in Transforming Church Boards into communities of spiritual leaders, p. 64.]

Other creative ventures:
Gardening, Cooking without a recipe ...
What are your creative outlets? Post a comment...

Creating: Write a poem

Reading poetry feeds the soul. So it stands to reason that writing poetry as a creative practice will be very powerful. But of course many of us think of a dozen reasons why we couldn't possibly write a poem.
I was introduced to this Chinese poetry style while in a class with theologian Kwok Piu-lan, and she managed to convince 25 of us that we could be poets with this simple but elegant framework. Try it!

This Chinese poetry style has 3 horizons: the objects—how well does the poet talk about the object, usually of nature; the feeling described; what kind of atmosphere you create.
Its form is in four lines.
Start line 1 with: "I dream …."
Start line 2 with: "And …."
Start line 3 with: "For a moment …. "
Line 4 finishes in free form: …

Example:
I dream of people singing
And shouting hosannas.
For a moment, I thought that love had wrapped us round
And we will always sing.

Post yours as a comment....

Creating: Play/Holy Play

"The most delightful – and revolutionary – action of all is play.
We are not just creature, but creator."
Holy Play by Kirk Byron Jones

If we are created in God's image, and God is a creator, then one of our first and primal callings is to create. But we forget how. Or we just forget to. As children we knew how to play and create. Try this exercise to remind yourself and to remember:

You'll need a blank piece of paper (or several) and some crayons or fat colored markers.

Can I Come Out and Play? From Spiritual Doodles and Mental Leapfrog by Katherine Revoir
"Here is an exercise that allows you to be present for your inner expressive child. Have a conversation with him or her. Your dominant hand speaks as the "adult you" and your non-dominant hand speaks as the child. With your dominant hand, write out a question for your expressive child, like "what do you want to do today?" Then without think, let your non-dominant hand answer, in words and/or pictures. Allow the child's voice to flow, without controlling or monitoring it. Ask what he or she wants to be called. Then see what the picture or words have to tell you. You can use this approach to be in touch with your inner creative child any time."

This exercise can free you to hear your playful self, your first creative self. It also can be used in a reflective way to explore feelings that are otherwise hard to express. Remember that your child might use pictures rather than words.

If you are interested in some of theories about creativity check out this website by author David Ulrich. "Picasso said: 'Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.' Creativity is a way of life and is not the exclusive domain of artists, writers, and scientists. It is the birthright of every human being."

Grieving, forgiveness, and gratitude

These practices don't stand alone. We can and will integrate many of these practices in our lives. Certainly we understand the need for forgiveness as part of our grieving process, if only that when we suffer a loss we are left to deal with the consequences and may well feel angry about that, and forgiveness is a way to move through anger and hurt.

But what about gratitude and grieving? Is there value in our "blues?" David Steindl-Rast thinks that we can mine our grief for gratefulness. He suggests several reflective practices as a way to get to what we can be grateful for in our grief that we will also begin to explore in future sessions.

Grieving: facing disappointment

This article, Disappointment — The Neglected Emotion, by Gillian Driscoll begins, "I fired God over a bicycle." Of course, you're going to want to read further (click the title to go there, but come back!).
I myself "fired" prayer when I was 8, when I prayed for my grandfather to be brought back to life, and it didn't happen. It affected my relationship with prayer, and also with God I suspect, for more than thirty years. How we handle our disappointments over smaller things or or early losses may become a key element of grieving our losses, as is confronting the necessary losses that come with changes in our lives, in our families, and at work. If you haven't read Judith Viorst's Necessary Losses, I commend it to you. Her basic premise is that we have to lose in order to grow. Some losses are necessary.

There is some research that shows (I am missing the reference just at the moment) that the quicker or more easily we learn to grieve the better off we will be in old age when we are confronted with grief and loss of friends, family and capabilities so much more often. If we do not learn to grieve we will be overwhelmed as the losses accumulate, and if we don't recognize the impact of our losses, we may be letting some of those losses control our lives.

What old loss or disappointment affects you today? What necessary loss has given you the person you are today?

Grieving: fear as part of loss

Read this famous scripture about fear: Luke 1: 28-31
--What works to banish your fears or anxieties? What convinces you to "fear not?"

Practices:
Too often we mistake material gifts as a substitute for being present with ourselves, for our loved ones and with God. We make idols of many things rather than turning to God. One definition of spiritual health considers our ability to turn to God in love, rather than to idols in fear as a key to spiritual health.

"Repeatedly, humans create false Gods to worship. Even when we have formally pledged our allegiance to the living God, we still can't stop ourselves from this tendency to create and cling to false gods. … Idol making is fueled by our innate insecurity with human existence itself, with our creatureliness, with our perceived powerlessness over the forces that control us. Fueled by this anxiety, we are driven to idolize.
Anything, even good things, can be made into a god, especially in the context of bereavement. … Idolatry occurs when something that is less than God is set up as a god. Nearly anything can be made into a god. In ancient times it was the attributes of nature—there were sun gods and gods of thunder and gods that dwelt in the ocean depths. … Caesar was treated like a god, as were the pharaohs of Egypt. … In more modern times, we find people who worship success, fame, power, status and wealth. They live for their gods just as surely as the ancients did for theirs.
Whether ancient or modern, however, idols are always essentially temporary, not eternal. … The fact that false gods are essentially temporary in nature, in contrast to the living God who is eternal, is a helpful distinction to keep in mind as we approach a discussion of loss in later life. We grieve over "attachments" in life that are temporary.
Another central feature of idolatry is that these lesser gods are almost always concrete or visible entities. … Normally, we see only God's trace after God has passed by: God's work and God's action after the fact. Worshiping this kind of God requires great trust. It is much easier for humans to worship the false gods, who are more concrete and whose benefits are more tangible.
The false god's appeal is always to something we need or feel we need to survive. Most of these needs, in proper perspective, are normal human needs. We need food, safety, self-esteem, love, and a sense of transcendence. [The paradox of idols is that] they are human creations, products of our own anxieties, and therefore, temporary, limited, finite, and concrete. Their promises are short-sighted." (R. Scott Sullender, Losses in Later Life: A New Way of Walking with God, 2nd edition, New York: Haworth Press, 1999, excerpts from p. 17-22.)

It is recognizing and accepting our own finiteness as a part of creation that we come to terms with our fears. It is through love that we grow in faith to do so. Even our ability to grieve and let go and go on in later years is a sign of our spiritual health and faith, as we are freed from our fears through faith in God's love. Where love is, God is there, and we can let go of fear.

Grieving: relieving suffering

There is some wonderful writing and resources about grief, and many of the techniques that we have already discussed can be effective tools in grieving. This excerpt lists a number of them.

Book Review by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat
Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart
by Stephen Levine
"Feelings of loss don't go away; they go deeper. When we lose or never exercise what we need or love, we call the hard contraction in the mind and body 'suffering,' " writes Levine. This apathy and angst can be alleviated by spiritual exercises designed to heal the mind, body, and soul. They include breathing exercises, keeping a grief journal, tracking sorrow through the body, talking to the dead, walking, silence, attending the mindset of loss, breaking the isolation of fear, forgiveness, overcoming perfection, singing, saying goodbye to loved ones through "heart speech," practicing loving-kindness, tapping the heart to draw awareness and healing into that area (see excerpt), and much more.

Levine outlines the three stages to working with mental and physical sorrow: softening the pain, cultivating mercy, and making peace with loss. We liked the mantra he suggests for those who are unhinged by chronic sorrow: "May I get the most out of this possible." We also were gratified to see Levine emphasize the importance of opening the heart through love, compassion, and forgiveness — three spiritual practices that are always emphasized in the religious traditions as curative and restorative measures.

Grieving: sharing loss, giving comfort

Scriptures: Matthew 5: 4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
--What has been the most comfort for you on an occasion of a loss or a death?
--What could or did your community do best in that kind of occasion? What have you done for others who are grieving?
Scriptures: Philippians 4: 4-7
--How do you feel about sharing your joys or sorrows with someone else? What in your faith makes it possible for you to share your joy or your grief with another? What would make it easier for you to share with another?

Practices:
In sharing your stories of joys and sorrows, I invite you to think about your own calling to ministries of comfort.
"In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matt. 5:4). The original Greek translated here as "those who mourn," hoi penthountes, implies active lamenting: crying, wailing. A few modern versions retain this active sense: the Russian plachushchie, and, in a slightly different sense, the German die da Leid tragen. But many other contemporary translations reshape the active mourning into a passive state of feelings. Here, then, is a place where theological presuppositions have very likely influenced the translation of a word, the meaning of which, in the original language, falls clearly on the active side.
The necessity for actively grieving losses is obvious. We may choose not to grieve, but inevitably we do so to our own detriment, if not to our emotional and spiritual peril. … Those who bury their grief, put on a brave face for all the world to see, neither invite nor allow the kind of care that can bring comfort. Those who do mourn may be comforted. But grieving is and must be optional even though the feeling response of grief is not. … In nonclinical terms this principle means that we are not to violate a person's reluctance to grieve even when we know it would be better for that person to do so.
The beatitude places sorrow-bearing at the center of Christian discipleship. On that matter there are no options. Those who claim Jesus as Lord bear the grief of others because they belong to a Lord who suffers and who in his suffering reveals God as one who suffers. The beatitude makes a telling demand on caregivers. We cannot turn from sorrow. We cannot ignore those who grieve." (Kenneth R. Mitchell & Herbert Anderson, All Our Losses, All Our Griefs, Louisville, KY: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1983, p. 165-6)

Often just being there is all that is necessary.
Writing a note that says "Thinking of you," "You are in my prayers," means a lot.
Asking: "how are you?" and really taking the time to listen for the answer can be a great gift to someone who is grieving.
Later, this might mean asking the widow to dinner even when there are couples and the numbers are uneven so that her social network doesn't vanish.
It might be making a note of the dates of people's losses and sending them a card on the anniversary of those losses.
It often means sitting with our own discomfort about loss and grief, and remembering that in comforting another, we can invite the Comforter to be with us as well, while allowing them the space and time to talk. "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near."

When we think about the rituals that surround grieving a death, they often include space and time to share memories of the person who died. Clearly this is important and cathartic to remember the good, the bad, the funny, the intimate, the essence of the person.
Understanding and confronting the good and the bad about other losses is equally important. What ways have you shared stories about your losses? What ritual could you do with someone to help you in this?

Grieving: anger. Anger in the Bible?

--Is it okay to show anger? When is it okay? Is it okay to be angry with God? In this scripture: Psalm 13: 1-6, the Psalmist certainly is.
--When you have suffered a loss, how and at whom are you angry? Have you expressed that anger? How have you worked through that anger?

I believe one of the great strengths of the Christian tradition is the embodied Christ with all of the weaknesses and foibles that having a body entails. Jesus is sometimes angry, tired, sad, vulnerable and just plain ornery, and we can appreciate his example in these things as well as his example when he is loving, accepting, working for justice, healing the broken hearted, feeding the poor, and welcoming the stranger.
What do you think other traditions do well or provide as models for allowing for anger in grieving?

What is "good" anger? So-called righteous anger is often used as a club to bully or oppress others. Yet anger is a normal emotion. How we deal with it in ourselves and in others is the key.

"When we suffer a loss, we are angry. We are in pain and we want to push the pain away. 'When a loved one dies, leaving you lonely and afraid of what your future will bring, you have every reason to be angry. You don't have to apologize about that; it's okay to be angry. What's not okay is taking your anger out unfairly on yourself or others.' In a loss due to death, you can be angry for many reasons, at a number of things: at the medical staff for not responding as you thought they should, at friends or relatives who seemed insensitive or unhelpful, at the person who died and left you behind facing a lot, at God for not answering your prayers in the way you wanted them answered, at yourself, or at your change in roles or life-style or loss of control.

How have you expressed that anger? What has worked? What good ways to express anger have you tried: physical things to work off energy, yelling into a tape recorder, letter writing, destroying old phone books or throwing cheap dishes into a trash pile, or talking to a friend? Make a list of everything and everyone that makes you mad and prioritize those that make you the most mad, then see if you can do anything constructive about those. Just making the list can be helpful. Seek professional help and support if your anger is out of control. 'And it's okay to be angry with God. God can take it.'" (Helen Fitzgerald, The Mourning Handbook, New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994, p. 86-91)

Grieving: confronting despair, even in the Bible

Scripture: Psalm 22: 1-18
--Do you think it is okay to express feelings of hopelessness and despair? What is your reaction to reading Psalm 22?
--How can we minister to one another when we feel despair?

It is important to acknowledge that we do not always have hope. The familiar passage from Psalm 22 that Jesus is recorded as crying out from the cross encourages us to cry out as well. We do not have to be Stoics.

"Our roots in the Hebrew tradition, with the full support of the Old Testament as well as the New, testify to the appropriateness, indeed the necessity, of raising an angry clamor when struck with loss. Our baptismal vocation calls for us to be full, whole persons, which means experiencing the full range of feelings naturally arising out of loss. The refusal to grieve openly and actively is essentially an atheistic stance, for it denies that we have a relationship with a God who covenants with us. … We are more free to grieve precisely because our faith is grounded in the promise of a Presence from whom we cannot be separated. It is God's presence, embodied in Christ and continued in the church, that provides a shelter from the fear of abandonment. The testimony both of the Bible and of the history of the Christian faith is that those who have a living relationship with a living God are willing and able to argue with God, cajole God, scream out their anger and pain at God." (Kenneth R. Mitchell & Herbert Anderson, All Our Losses, All Our Griefs, Louisville, KY: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1983, p. 102-3)

You may well want to cry in despair. Do so! Go to a safe place and wail. Read the words of the angry and desperate Psalmist and cry them aloud yourself. But do finish the reading. The Psalms also provide us with reassurance, while acknowledging our difficulties and fears and shortfalls. The writers of the Psalms were people who strayed, sinned and doubted, yet returned to God, remembering God's love and covenant.

Grieving: the cycle of loss

Grieving is as complex as each individual. We each must deal with it in the way that works for us. Many of us are familiar with the work of Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, On Death and Dying, and her observations about grief and our reactions to loss; that commonly people experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. New research adds another common reaction to that list: a sense of yearning. I think it is important to affirm that these are common, but not required, experiences for a loss, and you may feel these in any order, and with repetitions, although I hope that you do come to acceptance in some way for each loss.

I wrote to a friend a couple of months after her father died, and her mother was feeling particularly down one day, and she herself had been overcome with sadness upon seeing a picture of his gravestone:
"I sometimes think of grief as coming in waves, that the pain/loss, the numbness, the gap/void, the healing and acceptance come and go just like waves on the beach--sometimes one aspect is higher/longer, sometimes another. Sometimes grief sneaks up on you, even after a long time. Sometimes it overwhelms for a while. My father died in April and late that autumn my mother came down with stress related shingles and was very down. It was kind of unexpected at the time, but makes sense in retrospect--summer had been busy and in the fall she and my father used to relax into more together time, and he wasn't there, and the reality of all of what that meant hit her: emotional, financial, companionship, day to day tasks and living. And it was hard for me to hear of my mom going through that. So you and your mother will have waves of grief and healing. It's good that you let yourself sit with it some. Stuffing it away does you no good."

Loss is part of a natural cycle or waves. Can you claim all of the parts of the cycle? As the leaves begin to fall, let yourself be guided through imagining a cycle of loss as if you were a leaf, from "Falling Leaves"-- An Excerpt from May I Have This Dance? An Invitation to Faithful Prayer Throughout the Year by Joyce Rupp.

Forgiveness rituals

I was reminded after today's discussion of the power of ritual to heal, and thought of a couple of personal rituals that you might do to let go of hurt and anger. You could also ask friends to join you in these rituals.

Write what hurt you on a small piece of paper. Go to a body of water (running water if possible), wrap the paper around a rock, say a prayer asking for release, and throw the rock in. Use newspaper or newsprint as being most biodegradable.

You could instead take the piece of paper that you've written on, and mindfully, prayerfully, get out a plate, light candles and then fold and light the piece of paper on fire (mindfully, carefully) and put it on the plate, so that your hurt or anger goes up in smoke. Then wash the plate to cleanse away the ashes of what remains.

What other variations can you think of?

We also need to think about setting limits because forgiveness is not forgetting or consenting to be a doormat. You could also use an origami paper box as a way of framing your limits--write them inside what will be the folds, and then fold up your hurts inside those limits.

You could also write what you want to let go of on a piece of paper that you fold into a boat and then you could set it floating away. Perhaps we'll combine some of these things when we get to the practice of creating and fostering creativity.

A perhaps apocryphal, but wonderful, origami forgiveness story is about the young girl from Hiroshima who folded a thousand peace cranes in a quest for peace.

Forgiveness: awareness and practices

Ways to Practice
Before going to sleep, consciously let go of the hurts and angers of the day. Regard each evening as the beginning of a new day. This could be the bookend to starting the day with gratitude.

Face your most recent experience of when forgiveness did not happen. Can you find forgiveness by walking in the shoes of the other person? Are you willing to speak truthfully and patiently about your personal conflicts?

Write a letter to someone whom you are working to forgive. You don't have to mail it, but spell out what it is you can't forgive and how it affects you.

Write a letter asking for forgiveness. You might not be able to mail it, but the writing all by itself will be powerful.

Try the practices of t'shuvah: make amends, repent and apologize, and figure out how not to do that again.

Practicing Gratitude

Get and use a gratitude journal. Write five things each day.

Say thank you: once each day this week in person; or send a card to someone.

Receive the gift: create and review your own Wow folder. We can only say thank you when we are open to receiving.

If you need the details on these practices, skim through the postings by label and look for gratitude.

Thank you for being a part of this project with me.

Forgiveness: Bible quotes

[Moses is bargaining with God, when God has become angry with the Israelites' grumbling and lack of faith as they reach the Promised Land. Moses reminds God of God's promises and says:]

"And now, therefore, let the power of the Lord be great in the way that you promised when you spoke, saying, "The Lord is slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the parents upon the children to the third and the fourth generation.' Forgive the iniquity of this people according to the greatness of your steadfast love, just as you have pardoned this people, from Egypt even until now."
Then the Lord said, "I do forgive, just as you have asked; nevertheless -- as I live, and as all the earth shall be filled with the glory of the Lord -- none of the people who have seen my glory and the signs that I did in Egypt and in the wilderness, and yet have tested me these ten times and have not obeyed my voice, shall see the land that I swore to give to their ancestors; none of those who despised me shall see it.
--Numbers 14:17 - 23

One who forgives an affront fosters friendship,
but one who dwells on disputes will alienate a friend.
--Proverbs 17:9

Then Peter came and said to Jesus, "Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy times seven."
-- Matthew 18:21-22


So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil. ... Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.
-- Ephesians 4:25-32

Forgiveness goes both directions

As I write this Yom Kippur is in a couple of days, which means that we are ending the forty days of spiritual preparation for Yom Kippur, Elul-Tishrei. As a visitor to Jewish traditions I find that the cycles and rhythms of the holidays and observations that the rabbis have developed in interpreting the Torah are psychologically very sound and wise. They allow for forty days for us to work up to asking for forgiveness, to turn things over, to let go, to begin again.

"Rabbi Andrea Weiss teaches that the month of Elul serves as a special transitional moment, reflecting the traditional image of bein hashamashot, literally 'between the suns.' She suggests that Elul (late August, early September) is 'a bridge between summer and fall, between long sunny days and crisp afternoons full of color and wind ... between who we are and what we want to be; between regret and repentance, guilt and renewal; between the frustration of accepted patterns and the promise to change.'
... According to tradition, Moses descended Mount Sinai on Rosh Hodesh Elul (the new moon of Elul) only to find that the Israelites had built a golden calf. After he shattered the two stone tablets in his hands, he once again climbed the mountain to receive the second set. He descended for the second time on the tenth of Tishrei, the day we observe Yom Kippur. We are taught that the Israelites spent the forty days during Moses' second mountain sojourn in t'shuvah (repentance), readying themselves to receive God's word.
... The great medieval philosopher Moses Maimonides, the Rambam, describes ... the three stages of t'shuvah: regret, rejection, and resolution. We first feel sorry for what we did (and so we make amends); then when we are confronted with the sin again, we don't repeat it ( that's how we know we really have repented); and finally we commit ourselves to a better life through righteous living (that's what fills our days ahead)." [from Preparing Your Hearts for the High Holy Days by Kerry M. Olitzky and Rachel T. Sabath]

T'shuvah is a complex concept, so I invite you to explore it further here or here. Whether or not you practice these traditions, they offer us wisdom and guidance about taking the time to examine what weighs on us and what gets in our way, and assurance that there is a Power beyond us as flawed individuals that, if we let go, turn it over, will help us open to new beginnings.

Forgiveness: healing and reconciliation

I've written about my own journey through forgiveness into healing and would invite you to think about the healing powers of forgiveness in your life. This is one of the most powerful restorative practices. You can focus the breathing and progressive relaxation exercises we learned on the parts of the body where you hold a grudge or can't let go of fears. Where do you physically hold the anger, hurt or bitterness? Listen to your body and let your mind and body work together toward emotional, spiritual and mental healing.

Here are some good resources about forgiveness on the Internet: psychological research on forgiveness, approaches to forgiveness, assessing your capacity or willingness to forgive right now for a certain situation, powerful real-life stories about forgiveness, even detailed steps on how to work your way through forgiveness.

Forgiveness: a safe place to practice

Forgiveness is a powerful and scary practice. I think it's important to note that forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened or letting bad things happen to us again. Forgiveness often must go with setting limits. But lack of forgiveness is a burden that we carry, and we are the only ones who can lighten our own load. In order to do the hard work that goes with forgiveness we need to operate from a place of safety.

In Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood, Wayne Muller suggests that we need to do the work of forgiveness from a safe place. He writes (p. 13-14), "Find a small corner in a bedroom or some other quiet place in your home. This will become your place of refuge, your personal spiritual sanctuary. ... Find a low table, bench, or even a cardboard box, and drape it with some pleasing material, using this as a focal point for your own journey. ... Allow yourself to visualize what is most beautiful, inspiring, or sacred in your life, those thing that represent the healing, inward journey of your heart. ... Collect a few of those meaningful objects and place them on table. ...
Make time each day to sit in your place of refuge. ... You only need sit, feel and listen. Allow this to be a place without judgment or expectation, a new home, a place of rest."

This could be your listening space as well, and/or your meditation space and your thank you space.

Forgiveness: the practice and the dance

"Practicing forgiveness can produce dramatic transformations in our imaginations and the psychological, social and political horizons of our lives." --L. Gregory Jones

In Practicing Our Faith, ed. by Dorothy Bass, Jones writes, "The practice of forgiveness is not simply a one-time action or an isolated feeling or thought. Forgiveness involves us in a whole way of life that is shaped by an ever-deepening friendship with God and with other people. The central goal of this practice is to reconcile, to restore communion - with God, with one another, and with the whole creation. Forgiveness works through our ongoing willingness to give up certain claims against one another, to give the truth when we access our relationships with one another, and to give gifts of ourselves by making innovative gestures that offer a future not bound by the past."

He describes forgiveness as a dance. Once we know the steps we can do them more rapidly and vary the sequence. As we are learning it is good to take it more slowly.

The Dance of Forgiveness from Practicing Our Faith, p. 138-9
a. We become willing to speak truthfully and patiently about the conflicts that have arisen.
b. We acknowledge both the existence of anger and bitterness and a desire to overcome them.
c. We summon up a concern for the well-being of the other, as a fellow human being, or as a child of God.
d. We recognize our own complicity in conflict, remember that we have been forgiven in the past, and take the step of repentance.
e. We make a commitment to struggle to change whatever caused and continues to perpetuate our conflicts.
f. We confess our yearning for the possibility of reconciliation.

What truth have you not spoken?
What anger or bitterness are you carrying?
How can you acknowledge the other?
What is your part in the issue, if only holding on?
What can you change?
Do you want reconciliation or only revenge?

So is your dance of forgiveness a waltz, the twist, a tango, or something else?

Gratitude: the Bible reminds us

O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever. Psalm 107 is among the many Psalms that remind us to give thanks.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5.16-18

I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now. Philippians 1.3-5

Gratitude: count your blessings

Another way of looking at gratitude is to count your blessings. As I started to look at gratitude, I created a summer worship service that looked at blessings from several religious traditions, in scripture, song, and story. The Jewish tradition of looking for a hundred blessings a day makes the gratitude journal list of five seem short, but what a wonderful mindfulness exercise it is! Check out the links at the bottom of the service.

For those of you who know that counting is part of my "day" job, I call your attention to the importance of counting blessings as well as other things in this reflection.

Gratitude: saying thank you as a spiritual discipline

Say thank you.
In public.
In private.
Often.
When it's unexpected. (Read this wonderful story about how one person said thank you as a spiritual discipline with amazing results.)
Here are ways to practice and recognize the power of giving thanks:
Option 1: Say a sincere thank you to someone each day this week. That means you have to be aware, notice the gift and say thank you.
Option 2: Send one thank you card a week for the next 3 weeks for things you appreciated but forgot to say thank you for.
Option 3: Spend some time and collect notes for your own Wow folder. Review them before you do your gratitude journal.
Option 4: Create a thank you, you are welcoming, grateful place to be:
--keep a drawer or folder or box that contains your gratitude journal, a pen,
--your Wow folder: the thank you notes or emails that you have received in appreciation or for good work,
--and a supply of stamps and blank thank you notes or cards that you can send to others.

Gratitude: the link to Mindfulness

We discussed that mindfulness is becoming open and aware. In one of those paradoxes that often confront us, I found one author who said that his insight is that the prerequisite to practicing gratitude is openness. "You have to be open to receive." How do you shy away from receiving gifts, or opening up and being vulnerable? In order to practice gratitude, you have to open yourself to the gifts that come your way: the offer of help, the compliment, the hug. You may have to become aware of how you are blocking those gifts before you can be grateful for them.

Conversely, "gratefulness is full awareness," where, in that moment "you are fully one with the whole." So the work we continue to do about being aware and open in the exercises of breathing and listening, for example, help us enter into the practice of gratitude, while the practice of gratitude deepens our awareness, and requires our openness.

Gratitude: the link to well-being

There is some fascinating research on the effects of practicing gratitude and your emotional, spiritual and mental well-being. It started with a short quiz on how and when you are grateful. You can take it here.
Over the course of a number of studies, psychologists found a link between those who practiced gratitude and happiness and well-being. "People who describe themselves as feeling grateful to others and either to God or to creation in general tend to have higher vitality and more optimism, suffer less stress, and experience fewer episodes of clinical depression than the population as a whole. These results hold even when researchers factor out such things as age, health, and income, equalizing for the fact that the young, the well-to-do, or the hale and hearty might have 'more to be grateful for.'" Read further summaries.

Gratitude: the essential first tool

In 2002, I had a stretch where everywhere I turned the focus was on gratitude: psychological research on being grateful, practices of gratitude, songs, scripture, radio talk shows, until I finally got the message: gratitude matters. Gratitude is central to emotional and spiritual well-being. So I'm going to ask you to retrace with me, as much as I am able, some of those things that woke me up.

I heard about the gratitude journal or read about it as a recommendation from Oprah Winfrey, and even heard about it at a work seminar, and then I started reading Sara Ban Breathnach's Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. She introduces the idea of a gratitude journal. "All the other principles that can transform your life will not blossom and flourish without gratitude." (Jan. 14 entry) ... The gratitude journal is not optional.

Get a blank book or journal or notebook. Each day write down five things that you are grateful for. She does it at night. I start my day with it. Some days they are big, most days they are simple joys. Sometimes five things come very quickly, and I add a sixth or seventh. Other days it takes a while and I have to resort to flipping back through to remind myself of what I have to be grateful for. What matters most is doing it regularly. It took a couple of tries, but I have now been doing this practice for five years. I have notebooks that are cheap spiral memopads and fancy blank books. I prefer small ones to fit the pocket of my overnight bag, because no matter where I am, this is part of my morning ritual. It could be a nighttime ritual too.
But just do it!

Building awareness this week: mindfulness exercises

Do one exercise on mindfulness each day. Some of them take an hour; many of them take just 5-10 minutes. So you can find the time! Breathing is very portable, too. You have everything you need with you. :-)

Either pick one of the exercises of mindfulness and do it all week or try a different one each day. Part of this exploration is to find practices and exercises that work for you in your life, in the company of a community of support.

Full descriptions of each of the exercises we did together, plus additional ones, can be found in the blog archive to the right, so click on a heading to read or review. Please add your comments on how you are doing below the blog description of the exercise you're doing. What worked? What didn't? What did you notice?

Consider contacting another person from the group and at least one day between now and the next session spend 10 or more minutes together, breathing, listening, or walking.

There are also links embedded in many of the blog articles, as well as a list of links for further exploration to the right. Explore! Enjoy!

Mindfulness in Daily Life

You can practice mindful awareness throughout your day.

1) Eating/Chewing: count the number of times you chew each bite. Before a bite, notice the color, shape, smells; think about where the ingredients for this bite started and how they arrived on your plate. During a bite, notice the texture, taste, temperature. After a bite, be conscious of swallowing, and the path of food into your body.

2) Washing dishes or scrubbing: watch the soap bubbles, notice textures of soap against dishes, of the dishes, glasses or pots and pans, of the patterns and designs that your sponge or cloth make against the dish or counter or floor.

3) Lifting weights: If you lift weights, you know how much more effective your weight lifting will be if you lift slowly and with focus.

4) Drinking water: how much water do you drink? Could you remember and be aware of that? We are often dehydrated without knowing it. What can you do to be aware of your need for water?

5) Sitting: are you aware of how you sit? Could you be more conscious of how you sit and then feel more relaxed or refreshed by changing the way you sit? Listen to a Feldenkrais Awareness through Movement exercise from Utah or the UK.

Mindfulness: Walking a labyrinth

Walking a labyrinth is a wonderful way to meditate and move, if sitting still does not work for you.

There are a number of labyrinths nearby, some near or inside churches or schools, some in fields, some available as mobile canvas paintings.

So, if sitting still to meditate is hard for you, try walking a labyrinth. You can, of course, also let your fingers do the walking with this online labyrinth.

Mindfulness: your walking rhythm

Try this Walking rhythm exercise from The Listening Book p. 46-7.
W. A. Mathieu writes:
I learned about rhythm and meter on late-afternoon walks home from school. … Walking gives permission. When you are walking, the lid is off: the ridiculous boils off into the sublime. It's OK to hum, whistle, sing and shout, clap, snap, beat your body, squint your eyes, dance, jive, swing and sway. Dancers need music, but walkers are their own music.

People walk approximately two steps per second, about 120 steps per minute. Music played at this "walking temp" makes you feel as though you are walking even if you are sitting down. It resonates with the shape and function of your body. A little faster tempo, a few more beats per minute—say, 130—feels like a brisk walk, pushing it, maybe. Slightly fewer beats per minute—say, 108—feels like a lazy amble, maybe too slow. We are so sensitive to the precise center of this range that conductors use it as a reference point in memorizing various tempi. Everyone knows the feeling of this center; when you know you know it, magic happens.

Take a walk. Enter the rhythm your body gives you. Sing anything. Make up a tuneless tune, or a new language (Legs-mouth). Listen to what you are saying in this language; it is a key to your own music. Feel how your breathing and your walking and the sounds you are making modulate one another.

Walking wisdom is natural and lets you learn complex things easily. While keeping your stride free and even, start saying "left, right, left, right" in time with your legs. Then, without altering your gait, accent every third word: "left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right." This is a basic way of crossing rhythms that has fascinated us unwaveringly for millennia. You'll never get tired of it. Guaranteed. It gives more energy than it takes. You are waltzing and marching simultaneously, balanced between two qualities.

Mindfulness: Walking awareness

Walking with ease: from hips to spine to arms
Josef DellaGrotte writes:
Walking upright requires an alignment with central gravity that is unique to humans. This connecting link starts from the hips, the strong bony structure and articulations of the pelvis generate three actions which are essential to getting lift and forward power. The hips have to rotate laterally bend and extend and flex. That power is then transmitted to the spine and the ribs, which need to be in the best alignment to transmit the vectors of force. So what if it isn’t in the best alignment? First, Imagine a car trying to up hill in high gear. There is not enough power, the engine over heat and damage soon occurs. It is the same in a human body. If the hips are not generating the “horse power” because of restrictions in action, then you walk harder using the legs. The legs become stressed often manifesting this stress as knee problems. Second, The hips are doing okay but the spine is curved either in a lower back lordosis or mid back kyphosis. Problem: The vector force has to travel through mobile moving joints of the spine. If it can’t the hips work harder carrying the load of the upper body on them. This is not good. Does this sound discouraging? Look at it this way, if you recognize you are working too hard to walk, it is only matter of some learning upgrade to get the system functioning the way it was designed to do.

Try this Exercise
1. Face a door or wall. Place your fingers on it and organize yourself to be standing close and in the vertical plane. Avoid any leaning forward or putting pressure on your fingers.
2. Now stand on one leg. Keep that leg straight and push through that leg as if you were pressing into the ground and generating a ground forces, a spring like action that runs up your spine and gives you the feeling of uplift (getting taller).
3. Think of directing the force through your body and notice how the body starts to turn. While you are doing this your other leg should have no weight on it. It can be touching the ground with the toes with the heel lifted to maintain your balance. Practice this activity on one leg, rest, and then do it with your other leg.

The key to this exercise is trial by experiment in order to sense differences and notice connections. Simply by doing and noticing, you start to activate your innate ability to feel the connection between pushing through a straightened leg and following that force as it travels through your body. It will probably rotate you slightly through the left if you are standing on your right leg or to the right if you are standing on your left leg.

Follow the force of this thrusting until you are clear where the end point is. Simply by doing this exercise you are already developing awareness through movement, (Dr. Moshe Feldenkrais-based principles and process) of sensing limbs, joint actions, resonant motion, lengthening and strengthening in an interconnected way. Once you start to cultivate the sensing of such connections, your walking will improve automatically.

The benefits: Walking provides much needed "resonant movement" through many of the axial joints. It is essential in maintaining spinal flexibility and upright posture. Walking provides needed elongation to the spine, plus strengthening, endurance, relaxation and perhaps most important, confidence building. Walking is the basic foundation of fitness. Walking is known to reduce cardiac problems, stroke, and arthritic conditions with a host of other benefits to the entire body.

Music to remind us to breathe, listen, walk

Of course, there are songs and hymns that remind us to breathe as well:
Breathe on me, breath of God

"Let it breathe on me, let it breathe on me, let the breath of the Spirit breathe on me." (See this Bread for the Journey blog entry.)

"Speak, Lord, in the stillness, while I wait on thee. Hushed my heart to listen in expectancy..."

"O Happy Day" that talks about learning to walk... (from one of my favorite movies).

What other songs or hymns can you think of?

Mindfulness: Listening in a Sound Space

W. A. Mathieu writes:
You don't have to have an altar to pray or a special place to practice listening. There are monks who meditate in Grand Central Station. Adepts are always in their sound space, or so I'm told. But temples can make you feel holy, and it is useful to have a sound temple, a trusted place where you can let sound all the way in and listen all the way out.

Any place that pleases you is good. Maybe you won't have to look far. Your sound space could be your bed, or a corner of your living room. Maybe you'll have to adjust something for a few minutes, pull the plug of the refrigerator (don't tell a soul and be sure to replug). Or wait until the kids have piped down a bit. Or wait until the neighbor's stereo is off. Maybe you'll have to get the jump on the natives by waking up earlier. Maybe you'll even have to travel some. But sitting quietly in a place where ambient sounds don't trigger negative responses is worth the effort of getting there.

If you look for such a spot you will no doubt find it. People have the habit of going to the country, of seeking out wilderness. But you can find a little wilderness of your own wherever you are.

What is OK in your sound space:
o Sounds of nature
o Live sounds, including speech, especially at some distance
o Lots of different kinds of sounds, including traffic, or even those listed below, if these are sufficiently diffuse or distant not to offend you or hook you into their drama

What is not OK in your sound space:
o Recorded music or anyone practicing music
o Any radio or TV
o Unrelenting mechanical noise
o Anything unpleasantly loud or close, or that makes you uncomfortable

The idea is to create a space that not only protects you from unwanted sound but also releases you from any impulse to close your ears. The exercise is to open up, and wherever you can do that best is your sound space.
W.A. Mathieu, The Listening Book, Boston, MA: Shambala, 1991, p. 17-18.