Grieving: the cycle of loss

Grieving is as complex as each individual. We each must deal with it in the way that works for us. Many of us are familiar with the work of Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, On Death and Dying, and her observations about grief and our reactions to loss; that commonly people experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. New research adds another common reaction to that list: a sense of yearning. I think it is important to affirm that these are common, but not required, experiences for a loss, and you may feel these in any order, and with repetitions, although I hope that you do come to acceptance in some way for each loss.

I wrote to a friend a couple of months after her father died, and her mother was feeling particularly down one day, and she herself had been overcome with sadness upon seeing a picture of his gravestone:
"I sometimes think of grief as coming in waves, that the pain/loss, the numbness, the gap/void, the healing and acceptance come and go just like waves on the beach--sometimes one aspect is higher/longer, sometimes another. Sometimes grief sneaks up on you, even after a long time. Sometimes it overwhelms for a while. My father died in April and late that autumn my mother came down with stress related shingles and was very down. It was kind of unexpected at the time, but makes sense in retrospect--summer had been busy and in the fall she and my father used to relax into more together time, and he wasn't there, and the reality of all of what that meant hit her: emotional, financial, companionship, day to day tasks and living. And it was hard for me to hear of my mom going through that. So you and your mother will have waves of grief and healing. It's good that you let yourself sit with it some. Stuffing it away does you no good."

Loss is part of a natural cycle or waves. Can you claim all of the parts of the cycle? As the leaves begin to fall, let yourself be guided through imagining a cycle of loss as if you were a leaf, from "Falling Leaves"-- An Excerpt from May I Have This Dance? An Invitation to Faithful Prayer Throughout the Year by Joyce Rupp.