It really doesn't take too much material to be creative. Mostly it takes letting go and being in touch with your own inner creator. The person who says "I'm not creative" is uttering blasphemy.
Crafts: make a small investment in a packet of pipe cleaners, clay, crayons, construction paper. Create things. Decorate your desk, computer, office, refrigerator.
Do origami--see the earlier post on Forgiveness rituals for links.
Arts: paint, draw, sculpt
In "Saved from Freezing: Spiritual Practice, Art Practice" Zoketsu Norman Fischer makes the case that art practice can be a saving spiritual practice.
Creating can also be temporal and just of the moment. Creating can be a wonderful communal or community spiritual practice.
Dance: do a hand dance—put on a piece of instrumental music, and just moving your hands, interpret what you think the music means. Watch and focus on your hands. Discover all the ways you can move your hands. Do this with a partner, and have your partner watch and at the end, interpret and describe your dance. Then, both of you do a hand dance and see what is different when you create together.
Music:
Ah: in a group, sing an "ah" together, starting on a unison note and then change notes as you like. Continue breathing and singing. Listen to what is happening, and what happens with harmonies, dissonances, and sound.
Tell Stories: share a story, or make up a story by alternating telling each sentence of the story. This is a wonderfully playful exercise with children. You might start with some traditional story, but in dialog you have the power to create an entirely new story.
With a little more structure, I have used a shared group story telling for planning and visioning, or just getting on the same page at the workplace. Start with “once upon a time,” and continue with either “and then” or “but before that.” Tell the story of what is important, what is your shared vision, what are the dependencies, what is your history. [Adapted from Charles M. Olsen's work, found in Transforming Church Boards into communities of spiritual leaders, p. 64.]
Other creative ventures:
Gardening, Cooking without a recipe ...
What are your creative outlets? Post a comment...
Friday, September 28, 2007
Creating: Write a poem
Reading poetry feeds the soul. So it stands to reason that writing poetry as a creative practice will be very powerful. But of course many of us think of a dozen reasons why we couldn't possibly write a poem.
I was introduced to this Chinese poetry style while in a class with theologian Kwok Piu-lan, and she managed to convince 25 of us that we could be poets with this simple but elegant framework. Try it!
This Chinese poetry style has 3 horizons: the objects—how well does the poet talk about the object, usually of nature; the feeling described; what kind of atmosphere you create.
Its form is in four lines.
Start line 1 with: "I dream …."
Start line 2 with: "And …."
Start line 3 with: "For a moment …. "
Line 4 finishes in free form: …
Example:
I dream of people singing
And shouting hosannas.
For a moment, I thought that love had wrapped us round
And we will always sing.
Post yours as a comment....
I was introduced to this Chinese poetry style while in a class with theologian Kwok Piu-lan, and she managed to convince 25 of us that we could be poets with this simple but elegant framework. Try it!
This Chinese poetry style has 3 horizons: the objects—how well does the poet talk about the object, usually of nature; the feeling described; what kind of atmosphere you create.
Its form is in four lines.
Start line 1 with: "I dream …."
Start line 2 with: "And …."
Start line 3 with: "For a moment …. "
Line 4 finishes in free form: …
Example:
I dream of people singing
And shouting hosannas.
For a moment, I thought that love had wrapped us round
And we will always sing.
Post yours as a comment....
Creating: Play/Holy Play
"The most delightful – and revolutionary – action of all is play.
We are not just creature, but creator."
Holy Play by Kirk Byron Jones
If we are created in God's image, and God is a creator, then one of our first and primal callings is to create. But we forget how. Or we just forget to. As children we knew how to play and create. Try this exercise to remind yourself and to remember:
You'll need a blank piece of paper (or several) and some crayons or fat colored markers.
Can I Come Out and Play? From Spiritual Doodles and Mental Leapfrog by Katherine Revoir
"Here is an exercise that allows you to be present for your inner expressive child. Have a conversation with him or her. Your dominant hand speaks as the "adult you" and your non-dominant hand speaks as the child. With your dominant hand, write out a question for your expressive child, like "what do you want to do today?" Then without think, let your non-dominant hand answer, in words and/or pictures. Allow the child's voice to flow, without controlling or monitoring it. Ask what he or she wants to be called. Then see what the picture or words have to tell you. You can use this approach to be in touch with your inner creative child any time."
This exercise can free you to hear your playful self, your first creative self. It also can be used in a reflective way to explore feelings that are otherwise hard to express. Remember that your child might use pictures rather than words.
If you are interested in some of theories about creativity check out this website by author David Ulrich. "Picasso said: 'Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.' Creativity is a way of life and is not the exclusive domain of artists, writers, and scientists. It is the birthright of every human being."
We are not just creature, but creator."
Holy Play by Kirk Byron Jones
If we are created in God's image, and God is a creator, then one of our first and primal callings is to create. But we forget how. Or we just forget to. As children we knew how to play and create. Try this exercise to remind yourself and to remember:
You'll need a blank piece of paper (or several) and some crayons or fat colored markers.
Can I Come Out and Play? From Spiritual Doodles and Mental Leapfrog by Katherine Revoir
"Here is an exercise that allows you to be present for your inner expressive child. Have a conversation with him or her. Your dominant hand speaks as the "adult you" and your non-dominant hand speaks as the child. With your dominant hand, write out a question for your expressive child, like "what do you want to do today?" Then without think, let your non-dominant hand answer, in words and/or pictures. Allow the child's voice to flow, without controlling or monitoring it. Ask what he or she wants to be called. Then see what the picture or words have to tell you. You can use this approach to be in touch with your inner creative child any time."
This exercise can free you to hear your playful self, your first creative self. It also can be used in a reflective way to explore feelings that are otherwise hard to express. Remember that your child might use pictures rather than words.
If you are interested in some of theories about creativity check out this website by author David Ulrich. "Picasso said: 'Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.' Creativity is a way of life and is not the exclusive domain of artists, writers, and scientists. It is the birthright of every human being."
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Grieving, forgiveness, and gratitude
These practices don't stand alone. We can and will integrate many of these practices in our lives. Certainly we understand the need for forgiveness as part of our grieving process, if only that when we suffer a loss we are left to deal with the consequences and may well feel angry about that, and forgiveness is a way to move through anger and hurt.
But what about gratitude and grieving? Is there value in our "blues?" David Steindl-Rast thinks that we can mine our grief for gratefulness. He suggests several reflective practices as a way to get to what we can be grateful for in our grief that we will also begin to explore in future sessions.
But what about gratitude and grieving? Is there value in our "blues?" David Steindl-Rast thinks that we can mine our grief for gratefulness. He suggests several reflective practices as a way to get to what we can be grateful for in our grief that we will also begin to explore in future sessions.
Grieving: facing disappointment
This article, Disappointment — The Neglected Emotion, by Gillian Driscoll begins, "I fired God over a bicycle." Of course, you're going to want to read further (click the title to go there, but come back!).
I myself "fired" prayer when I was 8, when I prayed for my grandfather to be brought back to life, and it didn't happen. It affected my relationship with prayer, and also with God I suspect, for more than thirty years. How we handle our disappointments over smaller things or or early losses may become a key element of grieving our losses, as is confronting the necessary losses that come with changes in our lives, in our families, and at work. If you haven't read Judith Viorst's Necessary Losses, I commend it to you. Her basic premise is that we have to lose in order to grow. Some losses are necessary.
There is some research that shows (I am missing the reference just at the moment) that the quicker or more easily we learn to grieve the better off we will be in old age when we are confronted with grief and loss of friends, family and capabilities so much more often. If we do not learn to grieve we will be overwhelmed as the losses accumulate, and if we don't recognize the impact of our losses, we may be letting some of those losses control our lives.
What old loss or disappointment affects you today? What necessary loss has given you the person you are today?
I myself "fired" prayer when I was 8, when I prayed for my grandfather to be brought back to life, and it didn't happen. It affected my relationship with prayer, and also with God I suspect, for more than thirty years. How we handle our disappointments over smaller things or or early losses may become a key element of grieving our losses, as is confronting the necessary losses that come with changes in our lives, in our families, and at work. If you haven't read Judith Viorst's Necessary Losses, I commend it to you. Her basic premise is that we have to lose in order to grow. Some losses are necessary.
There is some research that shows (I am missing the reference just at the moment) that the quicker or more easily we learn to grieve the better off we will be in old age when we are confronted with grief and loss of friends, family and capabilities so much more often. If we do not learn to grieve we will be overwhelmed as the losses accumulate, and if we don't recognize the impact of our losses, we may be letting some of those losses control our lives.
What old loss or disappointment affects you today? What necessary loss has given you the person you are today?
Grieving: fear as part of loss
Read this famous scripture about fear: Luke 1: 28-31
--What works to banish your fears or anxieties? What convinces you to "fear not?"
Practices:
Too often we mistake material gifts as a substitute for being present with ourselves, for our loved ones and with God. We make idols of many things rather than turning to God. One definition of spiritual health considers our ability to turn to God in love, rather than to idols in fear as a key to spiritual health.
"Repeatedly, humans create false Gods to worship. Even when we have formally pledged our allegiance to the living God, we still can't stop ourselves from this tendency to create and cling to false gods. … Idol making is fueled by our innate insecurity with human existence itself, with our creatureliness, with our perceived powerlessness over the forces that control us. Fueled by this anxiety, we are driven to idolize.
Anything, even good things, can be made into a god, especially in the context of bereavement. … Idolatry occurs when something that is less than God is set up as a god. Nearly anything can be made into a god. In ancient times it was the attributes of nature—there were sun gods and gods of thunder and gods that dwelt in the ocean depths. … Caesar was treated like a god, as were the pharaohs of Egypt. … In more modern times, we find people who worship success, fame, power, status and wealth. They live for their gods just as surely as the ancients did for theirs.
Whether ancient or modern, however, idols are always essentially temporary, not eternal. … The fact that false gods are essentially temporary in nature, in contrast to the living God who is eternal, is a helpful distinction to keep in mind as we approach a discussion of loss in later life. We grieve over "attachments" in life that are temporary.
Another central feature of idolatry is that these lesser gods are almost always concrete or visible entities. … Normally, we see only God's trace after God has passed by: God's work and God's action after the fact. Worshiping this kind of God requires great trust. It is much easier for humans to worship the false gods, who are more concrete and whose benefits are more tangible.
The false god's appeal is always to something we need or feel we need to survive. Most of these needs, in proper perspective, are normal human needs. We need food, safety, self-esteem, love, and a sense of transcendence. [The paradox of idols is that] they are human creations, products of our own anxieties, and therefore, temporary, limited, finite, and concrete. Their promises are short-sighted." (R. Scott Sullender, Losses in Later Life: A New Way of Walking with God, 2nd edition, New York: Haworth Press, 1999, excerpts from p. 17-22.)
It is recognizing and accepting our own finiteness as a part of creation that we come to terms with our fears. It is through love that we grow in faith to do so. Even our ability to grieve and let go and go on in later years is a sign of our spiritual health and faith, as we are freed from our fears through faith in God's love. Where love is, God is there, and we can let go of fear.
--What works to banish your fears or anxieties? What convinces you to "fear not?"
Practices:
Too often we mistake material gifts as a substitute for being present with ourselves, for our loved ones and with God. We make idols of many things rather than turning to God. One definition of spiritual health considers our ability to turn to God in love, rather than to idols in fear as a key to spiritual health.
"Repeatedly, humans create false Gods to worship. Even when we have formally pledged our allegiance to the living God, we still can't stop ourselves from this tendency to create and cling to false gods. … Idol making is fueled by our innate insecurity with human existence itself, with our creatureliness, with our perceived powerlessness over the forces that control us. Fueled by this anxiety, we are driven to idolize.
Anything, even good things, can be made into a god, especially in the context of bereavement. … Idolatry occurs when something that is less than God is set up as a god. Nearly anything can be made into a god. In ancient times it was the attributes of nature—there were sun gods and gods of thunder and gods that dwelt in the ocean depths. … Caesar was treated like a god, as were the pharaohs of Egypt. … In more modern times, we find people who worship success, fame, power, status and wealth. They live for their gods just as surely as the ancients did for theirs.
Whether ancient or modern, however, idols are always essentially temporary, not eternal. … The fact that false gods are essentially temporary in nature, in contrast to the living God who is eternal, is a helpful distinction to keep in mind as we approach a discussion of loss in later life. We grieve over "attachments" in life that are temporary.
Another central feature of idolatry is that these lesser gods are almost always concrete or visible entities. … Normally, we see only God's trace after God has passed by: God's work and God's action after the fact. Worshiping this kind of God requires great trust. It is much easier for humans to worship the false gods, who are more concrete and whose benefits are more tangible.
The false god's appeal is always to something we need or feel we need to survive. Most of these needs, in proper perspective, are normal human needs. We need food, safety, self-esteem, love, and a sense of transcendence. [The paradox of idols is that] they are human creations, products of our own anxieties, and therefore, temporary, limited, finite, and concrete. Their promises are short-sighted." (R. Scott Sullender, Losses in Later Life: A New Way of Walking with God, 2nd edition, New York: Haworth Press, 1999, excerpts from p. 17-22.)
It is recognizing and accepting our own finiteness as a part of creation that we come to terms with our fears. It is through love that we grow in faith to do so. Even our ability to grieve and let go and go on in later years is a sign of our spiritual health and faith, as we are freed from our fears through faith in God's love. Where love is, God is there, and we can let go of fear.
Grieving: relieving suffering
There is some wonderful writing and resources about grief, and many of the techniques that we have already discussed can be effective tools in grieving. This excerpt lists a number of them.
Book Review by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat
Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart
by Stephen Levine
"Feelings of loss don't go away; they go deeper. When we lose or never exercise what we need or love, we call the hard contraction in the mind and body 'suffering,' " writes Levine. This apathy and angst can be alleviated by spiritual exercises designed to heal the mind, body, and soul. They include breathing exercises, keeping a grief journal, tracking sorrow through the body, talking to the dead, walking, silence, attending the mindset of loss, breaking the isolation of fear, forgiveness, overcoming perfection, singing, saying goodbye to loved ones through "heart speech," practicing loving-kindness, tapping the heart to draw awareness and healing into that area (see excerpt), and much more.
Levine outlines the three stages to working with mental and physical sorrow: softening the pain, cultivating mercy, and making peace with loss. We liked the mantra he suggests for those who are unhinged by chronic sorrow: "May I get the most out of this possible." We also were gratified to see Levine emphasize the importance of opening the heart through love, compassion, and forgiveness — three spiritual practices that are always emphasized in the religious traditions as curative and restorative measures.
Book Review by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat
Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart
by Stephen Levine
"Feelings of loss don't go away; they go deeper. When we lose or never exercise what we need or love, we call the hard contraction in the mind and body 'suffering,' " writes Levine. This apathy and angst can be alleviated by spiritual exercises designed to heal the mind, body, and soul. They include breathing exercises, keeping a grief journal, tracking sorrow through the body, talking to the dead, walking, silence, attending the mindset of loss, breaking the isolation of fear, forgiveness, overcoming perfection, singing, saying goodbye to loved ones through "heart speech," practicing loving-kindness, tapping the heart to draw awareness and healing into that area (see excerpt), and much more.
Levine outlines the three stages to working with mental and physical sorrow: softening the pain, cultivating mercy, and making peace with loss. We liked the mantra he suggests for those who are unhinged by chronic sorrow: "May I get the most out of this possible." We also were gratified to see Levine emphasize the importance of opening the heart through love, compassion, and forgiveness — three spiritual practices that are always emphasized in the religious traditions as curative and restorative measures.
Grieving: sharing loss, giving comfort
Scriptures: Matthew 5: 4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
--What has been the most comfort for you on an occasion of a loss or a death?
--What could or did your community do best in that kind of occasion? What have you done for others who are grieving?
Scriptures: Philippians 4: 4-7
--How do you feel about sharing your joys or sorrows with someone else? What in your faith makes it possible for you to share your joy or your grief with another? What would make it easier for you to share with another?
Practices:
In sharing your stories of joys and sorrows, I invite you to think about your own calling to ministries of comfort.
"In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matt. 5:4). The original Greek translated here as "those who mourn," hoi penthountes, implies active lamenting: crying, wailing. A few modern versions retain this active sense: the Russian plachushchie, and, in a slightly different sense, the German die da Leid tragen. But many other contemporary translations reshape the active mourning into a passive state of feelings. Here, then, is a place where theological presuppositions have very likely influenced the translation of a word, the meaning of which, in the original language, falls clearly on the active side.
The necessity for actively grieving losses is obvious. We may choose not to grieve, but inevitably we do so to our own detriment, if not to our emotional and spiritual peril. … Those who bury their grief, put on a brave face for all the world to see, neither invite nor allow the kind of care that can bring comfort. Those who do mourn may be comforted. But grieving is and must be optional even though the feeling response of grief is not. … In nonclinical terms this principle means that we are not to violate a person's reluctance to grieve even when we know it would be better for that person to do so.
The beatitude places sorrow-bearing at the center of Christian discipleship. On that matter there are no options. Those who claim Jesus as Lord bear the grief of others because they belong to a Lord who suffers and who in his suffering reveals God as one who suffers. The beatitude makes a telling demand on caregivers. We cannot turn from sorrow. We cannot ignore those who grieve." (Kenneth R. Mitchell & Herbert Anderson, All Our Losses, All Our Griefs, Louisville, KY: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1983, p. 165-6)
Often just being there is all that is necessary.
Writing a note that says "Thinking of you," "You are in my prayers," means a lot.
Asking: "how are you?" and really taking the time to listen for the answer can be a great gift to someone who is grieving.
Later, this might mean asking the widow to dinner even when there are couples and the numbers are uneven so that her social network doesn't vanish.
It might be making a note of the dates of people's losses and sending them a card on the anniversary of those losses.
It often means sitting with our own discomfort about loss and grief, and remembering that in comforting another, we can invite the Comforter to be with us as well, while allowing them the space and time to talk. "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near."
When we think about the rituals that surround grieving a death, they often include space and time to share memories of the person who died. Clearly this is important and cathartic to remember the good, the bad, the funny, the intimate, the essence of the person.
Understanding and confronting the good and the bad about other losses is equally important. What ways have you shared stories about your losses? What ritual could you do with someone to help you in this?
--What has been the most comfort for you on an occasion of a loss or a death?
--What could or did your community do best in that kind of occasion? What have you done for others who are grieving?
Scriptures: Philippians 4: 4-7
--How do you feel about sharing your joys or sorrows with someone else? What in your faith makes it possible for you to share your joy or your grief with another? What would make it easier for you to share with another?
Practices:
In sharing your stories of joys and sorrows, I invite you to think about your own calling to ministries of comfort.
"In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matt. 5:4). The original Greek translated here as "those who mourn," hoi penthountes, implies active lamenting: crying, wailing. A few modern versions retain this active sense: the Russian plachushchie, and, in a slightly different sense, the German die da Leid tragen. But many other contemporary translations reshape the active mourning into a passive state of feelings. Here, then, is a place where theological presuppositions have very likely influenced the translation of a word, the meaning of which, in the original language, falls clearly on the active side.
The necessity for actively grieving losses is obvious. We may choose not to grieve, but inevitably we do so to our own detriment, if not to our emotional and spiritual peril. … Those who bury their grief, put on a brave face for all the world to see, neither invite nor allow the kind of care that can bring comfort. Those who do mourn may be comforted. But grieving is and must be optional even though the feeling response of grief is not. … In nonclinical terms this principle means that we are not to violate a person's reluctance to grieve even when we know it would be better for that person to do so.
The beatitude places sorrow-bearing at the center of Christian discipleship. On that matter there are no options. Those who claim Jesus as Lord bear the grief of others because they belong to a Lord who suffers and who in his suffering reveals God as one who suffers. The beatitude makes a telling demand on caregivers. We cannot turn from sorrow. We cannot ignore those who grieve." (Kenneth R. Mitchell & Herbert Anderson, All Our Losses, All Our Griefs, Louisville, KY: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1983, p. 165-6)
Often just being there is all that is necessary.
Writing a note that says "Thinking of you," "You are in my prayers," means a lot.
Asking: "how are you?" and really taking the time to listen for the answer can be a great gift to someone who is grieving.
Later, this might mean asking the widow to dinner even when there are couples and the numbers are uneven so that her social network doesn't vanish.
It might be making a note of the dates of people's losses and sending them a card on the anniversary of those losses.
It often means sitting with our own discomfort about loss and grief, and remembering that in comforting another, we can invite the Comforter to be with us as well, while allowing them the space and time to talk. "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near."
When we think about the rituals that surround grieving a death, they often include space and time to share memories of the person who died. Clearly this is important and cathartic to remember the good, the bad, the funny, the intimate, the essence of the person.
Understanding and confronting the good and the bad about other losses is equally important. What ways have you shared stories about your losses? What ritual could you do with someone to help you in this?
Grieving: anger. Anger in the Bible?
--Is it okay to show anger? When is it okay? Is it okay to be angry with God? In this scripture: Psalm 13: 1-6, the Psalmist certainly is.
--When you have suffered a loss, how and at whom are you angry? Have you expressed that anger? How have you worked through that anger?
I believe one of the great strengths of the Christian tradition is the embodied Christ with all of the weaknesses and foibles that having a body entails. Jesus is sometimes angry, tired, sad, vulnerable and just plain ornery, and we can appreciate his example in these things as well as his example when he is loving, accepting, working for justice, healing the broken hearted, feeding the poor, and welcoming the stranger.
What do you think other traditions do well or provide as models for allowing for anger in grieving?
What is "good" anger? So-called righteous anger is often used as a club to bully or oppress others. Yet anger is a normal emotion. How we deal with it in ourselves and in others is the key.
"When we suffer a loss, we are angry. We are in pain and we want to push the pain away. 'When a loved one dies, leaving you lonely and afraid of what your future will bring, you have every reason to be angry. You don't have to apologize about that; it's okay to be angry. What's not okay is taking your anger out unfairly on yourself or others.' In a loss due to death, you can be angry for many reasons, at a number of things: at the medical staff for not responding as you thought they should, at friends or relatives who seemed insensitive or unhelpful, at the person who died and left you behind facing a lot, at God for not answering your prayers in the way you wanted them answered, at yourself, or at your change in roles or life-style or loss of control.
How have you expressed that anger? What has worked? What good ways to express anger have you tried: physical things to work off energy, yelling into a tape recorder, letter writing, destroying old phone books or throwing cheap dishes into a trash pile, or talking to a friend? Make a list of everything and everyone that makes you mad and prioritize those that make you the most mad, then see if you can do anything constructive about those. Just making the list can be helpful. Seek professional help and support if your anger is out of control. 'And it's okay to be angry with God. God can take it.'" (Helen Fitzgerald, The Mourning Handbook, New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994, p. 86-91)
--When you have suffered a loss, how and at whom are you angry? Have you expressed that anger? How have you worked through that anger?
I believe one of the great strengths of the Christian tradition is the embodied Christ with all of the weaknesses and foibles that having a body entails. Jesus is sometimes angry, tired, sad, vulnerable and just plain ornery, and we can appreciate his example in these things as well as his example when he is loving, accepting, working for justice, healing the broken hearted, feeding the poor, and welcoming the stranger.
What do you think other traditions do well or provide as models for allowing for anger in grieving?
What is "good" anger? So-called righteous anger is often used as a club to bully or oppress others. Yet anger is a normal emotion. How we deal with it in ourselves and in others is the key.
"When we suffer a loss, we are angry. We are in pain and we want to push the pain away. 'When a loved one dies, leaving you lonely and afraid of what your future will bring, you have every reason to be angry. You don't have to apologize about that; it's okay to be angry. What's not okay is taking your anger out unfairly on yourself or others.' In a loss due to death, you can be angry for many reasons, at a number of things: at the medical staff for not responding as you thought they should, at friends or relatives who seemed insensitive or unhelpful, at the person who died and left you behind facing a lot, at God for not answering your prayers in the way you wanted them answered, at yourself, or at your change in roles or life-style or loss of control.
How have you expressed that anger? What has worked? What good ways to express anger have you tried: physical things to work off energy, yelling into a tape recorder, letter writing, destroying old phone books or throwing cheap dishes into a trash pile, or talking to a friend? Make a list of everything and everyone that makes you mad and prioritize those that make you the most mad, then see if you can do anything constructive about those. Just making the list can be helpful. Seek professional help and support if your anger is out of control. 'And it's okay to be angry with God. God can take it.'" (Helen Fitzgerald, The Mourning Handbook, New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994, p. 86-91)
Grieving: confronting despair, even in the Bible
Scripture: Psalm 22: 1-18
--Do you think it is okay to express feelings of hopelessness and despair? What is your reaction to reading Psalm 22?
--How can we minister to one another when we feel despair?
It is important to acknowledge that we do not always have hope. The familiar passage from Psalm 22 that Jesus is recorded as crying out from the cross encourages us to cry out as well. We do not have to be Stoics.
"Our roots in the Hebrew tradition, with the full support of the Old Testament as well as the New, testify to the appropriateness, indeed the necessity, of raising an angry clamor when struck with loss. Our baptismal vocation calls for us to be full, whole persons, which means experiencing the full range of feelings naturally arising out of loss. The refusal to grieve openly and actively is essentially an atheistic stance, for it denies that we have a relationship with a God who covenants with us. … We are more free to grieve precisely because our faith is grounded in the promise of a Presence from whom we cannot be separated. It is God's presence, embodied in Christ and continued in the church, that provides a shelter from the fear of abandonment. The testimony both of the Bible and of the history of the Christian faith is that those who have a living relationship with a living God are willing and able to argue with God, cajole God, scream out their anger and pain at God." (Kenneth R. Mitchell & Herbert Anderson, All Our Losses, All Our Griefs, Louisville, KY: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1983, p. 102-3)
You may well want to cry in despair. Do so! Go to a safe place and wail. Read the words of the angry and desperate Psalmist and cry them aloud yourself. But do finish the reading. The Psalms also provide us with reassurance, while acknowledging our difficulties and fears and shortfalls. The writers of the Psalms were people who strayed, sinned and doubted, yet returned to God, remembering God's love and covenant.
--Do you think it is okay to express feelings of hopelessness and despair? What is your reaction to reading Psalm 22?
--How can we minister to one another when we feel despair?
It is important to acknowledge that we do not always have hope. The familiar passage from Psalm 22 that Jesus is recorded as crying out from the cross encourages us to cry out as well. We do not have to be Stoics.
"Our roots in the Hebrew tradition, with the full support of the Old Testament as well as the New, testify to the appropriateness, indeed the necessity, of raising an angry clamor when struck with loss. Our baptismal vocation calls for us to be full, whole persons, which means experiencing the full range of feelings naturally arising out of loss. The refusal to grieve openly and actively is essentially an atheistic stance, for it denies that we have a relationship with a God who covenants with us. … We are more free to grieve precisely because our faith is grounded in the promise of a Presence from whom we cannot be separated. It is God's presence, embodied in Christ and continued in the church, that provides a shelter from the fear of abandonment. The testimony both of the Bible and of the history of the Christian faith is that those who have a living relationship with a living God are willing and able to argue with God, cajole God, scream out their anger and pain at God." (Kenneth R. Mitchell & Herbert Anderson, All Our Losses, All Our Griefs, Louisville, KY: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1983, p. 102-3)
You may well want to cry in despair. Do so! Go to a safe place and wail. Read the words of the angry and desperate Psalmist and cry them aloud yourself. But do finish the reading. The Psalms also provide us with reassurance, while acknowledging our difficulties and fears and shortfalls. The writers of the Psalms were people who strayed, sinned and doubted, yet returned to God, remembering God's love and covenant.
Grieving: the cycle of loss
Grieving is as complex as each individual. We each must deal with it in the way that works for us. Many of us are familiar with the work of Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, On Death and Dying, and her observations about grief and our reactions to loss; that commonly people experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. New research adds another common reaction to that list: a sense of yearning. I think it is important to affirm that these are common, but not required, experiences for a loss, and you may feel these in any order, and with repetitions, although I hope that you do come to acceptance in some way for each loss.
I wrote to a friend a couple of months after her father died, and her mother was feeling particularly down one day, and she herself had been overcome with sadness upon seeing a picture of his gravestone:
"I sometimes think of grief as coming in waves, that the pain/loss, the numbness, the gap/void, the healing and acceptance come and go just like waves on the beach--sometimes one aspect is higher/longer, sometimes another. Sometimes grief sneaks up on you, even after a long time. Sometimes it overwhelms for a while. My father died in April and late that autumn my mother came down with stress related shingles and was very down. It was kind of unexpected at the time, but makes sense in retrospect--summer had been busy and in the fall she and my father used to relax into more together time, and he wasn't there, and the reality of all of what that meant hit her: emotional, financial, companionship, day to day tasks and living. And it was hard for me to hear of my mom going through that. So you and your mother will have waves of grief and healing. It's good that you let yourself sit with it some. Stuffing it away does you no good."
Loss is part of a natural cycle or waves. Can you claim all of the parts of the cycle? As the leaves begin to fall, let yourself be guided through imagining a cycle of loss as if you were a leaf, from "Falling Leaves"-- An Excerpt from May I Have This Dance? An Invitation to Faithful Prayer Throughout the Year by Joyce Rupp.
I wrote to a friend a couple of months after her father died, and her mother was feeling particularly down one day, and she herself had been overcome with sadness upon seeing a picture of his gravestone:
"I sometimes think of grief as coming in waves, that the pain/loss, the numbness, the gap/void, the healing and acceptance come and go just like waves on the beach--sometimes one aspect is higher/longer, sometimes another. Sometimes grief sneaks up on you, even after a long time. Sometimes it overwhelms for a while. My father died in April and late that autumn my mother came down with stress related shingles and was very down. It was kind of unexpected at the time, but makes sense in retrospect--summer had been busy and in the fall she and my father used to relax into more together time, and he wasn't there, and the reality of all of what that meant hit her: emotional, financial, companionship, day to day tasks and living. And it was hard for me to hear of my mom going through that. So you and your mother will have waves of grief and healing. It's good that you let yourself sit with it some. Stuffing it away does you no good."
Loss is part of a natural cycle or waves. Can you claim all of the parts of the cycle? As the leaves begin to fall, let yourself be guided through imagining a cycle of loss as if you were a leaf, from "Falling Leaves"-- An Excerpt from May I Have This Dance? An Invitation to Faithful Prayer Throughout the Year by Joyce Rupp.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Forgiveness rituals
I was reminded after today's discussion of the power of ritual to heal, and thought of a couple of personal rituals that you might do to let go of hurt and anger. You could also ask friends to join you in these rituals.
Write what hurt you on a small piece of paper. Go to a body of water (running water if possible), wrap the paper around a rock, say a prayer asking for release, and throw the rock in. Use newspaper or newsprint as being most biodegradable.
You could instead take the piece of paper that you've written on, and mindfully, prayerfully, get out a plate, light candles and then fold and light the piece of paper on fire (mindfully, carefully) and put it on the plate, so that your hurt or anger goes up in smoke. Then wash the plate to cleanse away the ashes of what remains.
What other variations can you think of?
We also need to think about setting limits because forgiveness is not forgetting or consenting to be a doormat. You could also use an origami paper box as a way of framing your limits--write them inside what will be the folds, and then fold up your hurts inside those limits.
You could also write what you want to let go of on a piece of paper that you fold into a boat and then you could set it floating away. Perhaps we'll combine some of these things when we get to the practice of creating and fostering creativity.
A perhaps apocryphal, but wonderful, origami forgiveness story is about the young girl from Hiroshima who folded a thousand peace cranes in a quest for peace.
Write what hurt you on a small piece of paper. Go to a body of water (running water if possible), wrap the paper around a rock, say a prayer asking for release, and throw the rock in. Use newspaper or newsprint as being most biodegradable.
You could instead take the piece of paper that you've written on, and mindfully, prayerfully, get out a plate, light candles and then fold and light the piece of paper on fire (mindfully, carefully) and put it on the plate, so that your hurt or anger goes up in smoke. Then wash the plate to cleanse away the ashes of what remains.
What other variations can you think of?
We also need to think about setting limits because forgiveness is not forgetting or consenting to be a doormat. You could also use an origami paper box as a way of framing your limits--write them inside what will be the folds, and then fold up your hurts inside those limits.
You could also write what you want to let go of on a piece of paper that you fold into a boat and then you could set it floating away. Perhaps we'll combine some of these things when we get to the practice of creating and fostering creativity.
A perhaps apocryphal, but wonderful, origami forgiveness story is about the young girl from Hiroshima who folded a thousand peace cranes in a quest for peace.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Forgiveness: awareness and practices
Ways to Practice
Before going to sleep, consciously let go of the hurts and angers of the day. Regard each evening as the beginning of a new day. This could be the bookend to starting the day with gratitude.
Face your most recent experience of when forgiveness did not happen. Can you find forgiveness by walking in the shoes of the other person? Are you willing to speak truthfully and patiently about your personal conflicts?
Write a letter to someone whom you are working to forgive. You don't have to mail it, but spell out what it is you can't forgive and how it affects you.
Write a letter asking for forgiveness. You might not be able to mail it, but the writing all by itself will be powerful.
Try the practices of t'shuvah: make amends, repent and apologize, and figure out how not to do that again.
Before going to sleep, consciously let go of the hurts and angers of the day. Regard each evening as the beginning of a new day. This could be the bookend to starting the day with gratitude.
Face your most recent experience of when forgiveness did not happen. Can you find forgiveness by walking in the shoes of the other person? Are you willing to speak truthfully and patiently about your personal conflicts?
Write a letter to someone whom you are working to forgive. You don't have to mail it, but spell out what it is you can't forgive and how it affects you.
Write a letter asking for forgiveness. You might not be able to mail it, but the writing all by itself will be powerful.
Try the practices of t'shuvah: make amends, repent and apologize, and figure out how not to do that again.
Practicing Gratitude
Get and use a gratitude journal. Write five things each day.
Say thank you: once each day this week in person; or send a card to someone.
Receive the gift: create and review your own Wow folder. We can only say thank you when we are open to receiving.
If you need the details on these practices, skim through the postings by label and look for gratitude.
Thank you for being a part of this project with me.
Say thank you: once each day this week in person; or send a card to someone.
Receive the gift: create and review your own Wow folder. We can only say thank you when we are open to receiving.
If you need the details on these practices, skim through the postings by label and look for gratitude.
Thank you for being a part of this project with me.
Forgiveness: Bible quotes
[Moses is bargaining with God, when God has become angry with the Israelites' grumbling and lack of faith as they reach the Promised Land. Moses reminds God of God's promises and says:]
"And now, therefore, let the power of the Lord be great in the way that you promised when you spoke, saying, "The Lord is slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the parents upon the children to the third and the fourth generation.' Forgive the iniquity of this people according to the greatness of your steadfast love, just as you have pardoned this people, from Egypt even until now."
Then the Lord said, "I do forgive, just as you have asked; nevertheless -- as I live, and as all the earth shall be filled with the glory of the Lord -- none of the people who have seen my glory and the signs that I did in Egypt and in the wilderness, and yet have tested me these ten times and have not obeyed my voice, shall see the land that I swore to give to their ancestors; none of those who despised me shall see it.
--Numbers 14:17 - 23
Then Peter came and said to Jesus, "Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy times seven."
-- Matthew 18:21-22
So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil. ... Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.
-- Ephesians 4:25-32
"And now, therefore, let the power of the Lord be great in the way that you promised when you spoke, saying, "The Lord is slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the parents upon the children to the third and the fourth generation.' Forgive the iniquity of this people according to the greatness of your steadfast love, just as you have pardoned this people, from Egypt even until now."
Then the Lord said, "I do forgive, just as you have asked; nevertheless -- as I live, and as all the earth shall be filled with the glory of the Lord -- none of the people who have seen my glory and the signs that I did in Egypt and in the wilderness, and yet have tested me these ten times and have not obeyed my voice, shall see the land that I swore to give to their ancestors; none of those who despised me shall see it.
--Numbers 14:17 - 23
One who forgives an affront fosters friendship,
but one who dwells on disputes will alienate a friend.
--Proverbs 17:9
Then Peter came and said to Jesus, "Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy times seven."
-- Matthew 18:21-22So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil. ... Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.
-- Ephesians 4:25-32
Forgiveness goes both directions
As I write this Yom Kippur is in a couple of days, which means that we are ending the forty days of spiritual preparation for Yom Kippur, Elul-Tishrei. As a visitor to Jewish traditions I find that the cycles and rhythms of the holidays and observations that the rabbis have developed in interpreting the Torah are psychologically very sound and wise. They allow for forty days for us to work up to asking for forgiveness, to turn things over, to let go, to begin again.
"Rabbi Andrea Weiss teaches that the month of Elul serves as a special transitional moment, reflecting the traditional image of bein hashamashot, literally 'between the suns.' She suggests that Elul (late August, early September) is 'a bridge between summer and fall, between long sunny days and crisp afternoons full of color and wind ... between who we are and what we want to be; between regret and repentance, guilt and renewal; between the frustration of accepted patterns and the promise to change.'
... According to tradition, Moses descended Mount Sinai on Rosh Hodesh Elul (the new moon of Elul) only to find that the Israelites had built a golden calf. After he shattered the two stone tablets in his hands, he once again climbed the mountain to receive the second set. He descended for the second time on the tenth of Tishrei, the day we observe Yom Kippur. We are taught that the Israelites spent the forty days during Moses' second mountain sojourn in t'shuvah (repentance), readying themselves to receive God's word.
... The great medieval philosopher Moses Maimonides, the Rambam, describes ... the three stages of t'shuvah: regret, rejection, and resolution. We first feel sorry for what we did (and so we make amends); then when we are confronted with the sin again, we don't repeat it ( that's how we know we really have repented); and finally we commit ourselves to a better life through righteous living (that's what fills our days ahead)." [from Preparing Your Hearts for the High Holy Days by Kerry M. Olitzky and Rachel T. Sabath]
T'shuvah is a complex concept, so I invite you to explore it further here or here. Whether or not you practice these traditions, they offer us wisdom and guidance about taking the time to examine what weighs on us and what gets in our way, and assurance that there is a Power beyond us as flawed individuals that, if we let go, turn it over, will help us open to new beginnings.
"Rabbi Andrea Weiss teaches that the month of Elul serves as a special transitional moment, reflecting the traditional image of bein hashamashot, literally 'between the suns.' She suggests that Elul (late August, early September) is 'a bridge between summer and fall, between long sunny days and crisp afternoons full of color and wind ... between who we are and what we want to be; between regret and repentance, guilt and renewal; between the frustration of accepted patterns and the promise to change.'
... According to tradition, Moses descended Mount Sinai on Rosh Hodesh Elul (the new moon of Elul) only to find that the Israelites had built a golden calf. After he shattered the two stone tablets in his hands, he once again climbed the mountain to receive the second set. He descended for the second time on the tenth of Tishrei, the day we observe Yom Kippur. We are taught that the Israelites spent the forty days during Moses' second mountain sojourn in t'shuvah (repentance), readying themselves to receive God's word.
... The great medieval philosopher Moses Maimonides, the Rambam, describes ... the three stages of t'shuvah: regret, rejection, and resolution. We first feel sorry for what we did (and so we make amends); then when we are confronted with the sin again, we don't repeat it ( that's how we know we really have repented); and finally we commit ourselves to a better life through righteous living (that's what fills our days ahead)." [from Preparing Your Hearts for the High Holy Days by Kerry M. Olitzky and Rachel T. Sabath]
T'shuvah is a complex concept, so I invite you to explore it further here or here. Whether or not you practice these traditions, they offer us wisdom and guidance about taking the time to examine what weighs on us and what gets in our way, and assurance that there is a Power beyond us as flawed individuals that, if we let go, turn it over, will help us open to new beginnings.
Forgiveness: healing and reconciliation
I've written about my own journey through forgiveness into healing and would invite you to think about the healing powers of forgiveness in your life. This is one of the most powerful restorative practices. You can focus the breathing and progressive relaxation exercises we learned on the parts of the body where you hold a grudge or can't let go of fears. Where do you physically hold the anger, hurt or bitterness? Listen to your body and let your mind and body work together toward emotional, spiritual and mental healing.
Here are some good resources about forgiveness on the Internet: psychological research on forgiveness, approaches to forgiveness, assessing your capacity or willingness to forgive right now for a certain situation, powerful real-life stories about forgiveness, even detailed steps on how to work your way through forgiveness.
Here are some good resources about forgiveness on the Internet: psychological research on forgiveness, approaches to forgiveness, assessing your capacity or willingness to forgive right now for a certain situation, powerful real-life stories about forgiveness, even detailed steps on how to work your way through forgiveness.
Forgiveness: a safe place to practice
Forgiveness is a powerful and scary practice. I think it's important to note that forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened or letting bad things happen to us again. Forgiveness often must go with setting limits. But lack of forgiveness is a burden that we carry, and we are the only ones who can lighten our own load. In order to do the hard work that goes with forgiveness we need to operate from a place of safety.
In Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood, Wayne Muller suggests that we need to do the work of forgiveness from a safe place. He writes (p. 13-14), "Find a small corner in a bedroom or some other quiet place in your home. This will become your place of refuge, your personal spiritual sanctuary. ... Find a low table, bench, or even a cardboard box, and drape it with some pleasing material, using this as a focal point for your own journey. ... Allow yourself to visualize what is most beautiful, inspiring, or sacred in your life, those thing that represent the healing, inward journey of your heart. ... Collect a few of those meaningful objects and place them on table. ...
Make time each day to sit in your place of refuge. ... You only need sit, feel and listen. Allow this to be a place without judgment or expectation, a new home, a place of rest."
This could be your listening space as well, and/or your meditation space and your thank you space.
In Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood, Wayne Muller suggests that we need to do the work of forgiveness from a safe place. He writes (p. 13-14), "Find a small corner in a bedroom or some other quiet place in your home. This will become your place of refuge, your personal spiritual sanctuary. ... Find a low table, bench, or even a cardboard box, and drape it with some pleasing material, using this as a focal point for your own journey. ... Allow yourself to visualize what is most beautiful, inspiring, or sacred in your life, those thing that represent the healing, inward journey of your heart. ... Collect a few of those meaningful objects and place them on table. ...
Make time each day to sit in your place of refuge. ... You only need sit, feel and listen. Allow this to be a place without judgment or expectation, a new home, a place of rest."
This could be your listening space as well, and/or your meditation space and your thank you space.
Forgiveness: the practice and the dance
"Practicing forgiveness can produce dramatic transformations in our imaginations and the psychological, social and political horizons of our lives." --L. Gregory Jones
In Practicing Our Faith, ed. by Dorothy Bass, Jones writes, "The practice of forgiveness is not simply a one-time action or an isolated feeling or thought. Forgiveness involves us in a whole way of life that is shaped by an ever-deepening friendship with God and with other people. The central goal of this practice is to reconcile, to restore communion - with God, with one another, and with the whole creation. Forgiveness works through our ongoing willingness to give up certain claims against one another, to give the truth when we access our relationships with one another, and to give gifts of ourselves by making innovative gestures that offer a future not bound by the past."
He describes forgiveness as a dance. Once we know the steps we can do them more rapidly and vary the sequence. As we are learning it is good to take it more slowly.
The Dance of Forgiveness from Practicing Our Faith, p. 138-9
a. We become willing to speak truthfully and patiently about the conflicts that have arisen.
b. We acknowledge both the existence of anger and bitterness and a desire to overcome them.
c. We summon up a concern for the well-being of the other, as a fellow human being, or as a child of God.
d. We recognize our own complicity in conflict, remember that we have been forgiven in the past, and take the step of repentance.
e. We make a commitment to struggle to change whatever caused and continues to perpetuate our conflicts.
f. We confess our yearning for the possibility of reconciliation.
What truth have you not spoken?
What anger or bitterness are you carrying?
How can you acknowledge the other?
What is your part in the issue, if only holding on?
What can you change?
Do you want reconciliation or only revenge?
So is your dance of forgiveness a waltz, the twist, a tango, or something else?
In Practicing Our Faith, ed. by Dorothy Bass, Jones writes, "The practice of forgiveness is not simply a one-time action or an isolated feeling or thought. Forgiveness involves us in a whole way of life that is shaped by an ever-deepening friendship with God and with other people. The central goal of this practice is to reconcile, to restore communion - with God, with one another, and with the whole creation. Forgiveness works through our ongoing willingness to give up certain claims against one another, to give the truth when we access our relationships with one another, and to give gifts of ourselves by making innovative gestures that offer a future not bound by the past."
He describes forgiveness as a dance. Once we know the steps we can do them more rapidly and vary the sequence. As we are learning it is good to take it more slowly.
The Dance of Forgiveness from Practicing Our Faith, p. 138-9
a. We become willing to speak truthfully and patiently about the conflicts that have arisen.
b. We acknowledge both the existence of anger and bitterness and a desire to overcome them.
c. We summon up a concern for the well-being of the other, as a fellow human being, or as a child of God.
d. We recognize our own complicity in conflict, remember that we have been forgiven in the past, and take the step of repentance.
e. We make a commitment to struggle to change whatever caused and continues to perpetuate our conflicts.
f. We confess our yearning for the possibility of reconciliation.
What truth have you not spoken?
What anger or bitterness are you carrying?
How can you acknowledge the other?
What is your part in the issue, if only holding on?
What can you change?
Do you want reconciliation or only revenge?
So is your dance of forgiveness a waltz, the twist, a tango, or something else?
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Gratitude: the Bible reminds us
O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever. Psalm 107 is among the many Psalms that remind us to give thanks.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5.16-18
I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now. Philippians 1.3-5
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5.16-18
I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now. Philippians 1.3-5
Gratitude: count your blessings
Another way of looking at gratitude is to count your blessings. As I started to look at gratitude, I created a summer worship service that looked at blessings from several religious traditions, in scripture, song, and story. The Jewish tradition of looking for a hundred blessings a day makes the gratitude journal list of five seem short, but what a wonderful mindfulness exercise it is! Check out the links at the bottom of the service.
For those of you who know that counting is part of my "day" job, I call your attention to the importance of counting blessings as well as other things in this reflection.
For those of you who know that counting is part of my "day" job, I call your attention to the importance of counting blessings as well as other things in this reflection.
Gratitude: saying thank you as a spiritual discipline
Say thank you.
In public.
In private.
Often.
When it's unexpected. (Read this wonderful story about how one person said thank you as a spiritual discipline with amazing results.)
Here are ways to practice and recognize the power of giving thanks:
Option 1: Say a sincere thank you to someone each day this week. That means you have to be aware, notice the gift and say thank you.
Option 2: Send one thank you card a week for the next 3 weeks for things you appreciated but forgot to say thank you for.
Option 3: Spend some time and collect notes for your own Wow folder. Review them before you do your gratitude journal.
Option 4: Create a thank you, you are welcoming, grateful place to be:
--keep a drawer or folder or box that contains your gratitude journal, a pen,
--your Wow folder: the thank you notes or emails that you have received in appreciation or for good work,
--and a supply of stamps and blank thank you notes or cards that you can send to others.
In public.
In private.
Often.
When it's unexpected. (Read this wonderful story about how one person said thank you as a spiritual discipline with amazing results.)
Here are ways to practice and recognize the power of giving thanks:
Option 1: Say a sincere thank you to someone each day this week. That means you have to be aware, notice the gift and say thank you.
Option 2: Send one thank you card a week for the next 3 weeks for things you appreciated but forgot to say thank you for.
Option 3: Spend some time and collect notes for your own Wow folder. Review them before you do your gratitude journal.
Option 4: Create a thank you, you are welcoming, grateful place to be:
--keep a drawer or folder or box that contains your gratitude journal, a pen,
--your Wow folder: the thank you notes or emails that you have received in appreciation or for good work,
--and a supply of stamps and blank thank you notes or cards that you can send to others.
Gratitude: the link to Mindfulness
We discussed that mindfulness is becoming open and aware. In one of those paradoxes that often confront us, I found one author who said that his insight is that the prerequisite to practicing gratitude is openness. "You have to be open to receive." How do you shy away from receiving gifts, or opening up and being vulnerable? In order to practice gratitude, you have to open yourself to the gifts that come your way: the offer of help, the compliment, the hug. You may have to become aware of how you are blocking those gifts before you can be grateful for them.
Conversely, "gratefulness is full awareness," where, in that moment "you are fully one with the whole." So the work we continue to do about being aware and open in the exercises of breathing and listening, for example, help us enter into the practice of gratitude, while the practice of gratitude deepens our awareness, and requires our openness.
Conversely, "gratefulness is full awareness," where, in that moment "you are fully one with the whole." So the work we continue to do about being aware and open in the exercises of breathing and listening, for example, help us enter into the practice of gratitude, while the practice of gratitude deepens our awareness, and requires our openness.
Gratitude: the link to well-being
There is some fascinating research on the effects of practicing gratitude and your emotional, spiritual and mental well-being. It started with a short quiz on how and when you are grateful. You can take it here.
Over the course of a number of studies, psychologists found a link between those who practiced gratitude and happiness and well-being. "People who describe themselves as feeling grateful to others and either to God or to creation in general tend to have higher vitality and more optimism, suffer less stress, and experience fewer episodes of clinical depression than the population as a whole. These results hold even when researchers factor out such things as age, health, and income, equalizing for the fact that the young, the well-to-do, or the hale and hearty might have 'more to be grateful for.'" Read further summaries.
Over the course of a number of studies, psychologists found a link between those who practiced gratitude and happiness and well-being. "People who describe themselves as feeling grateful to others and either to God or to creation in general tend to have higher vitality and more optimism, suffer less stress, and experience fewer episodes of clinical depression than the population as a whole. These results hold even when researchers factor out such things as age, health, and income, equalizing for the fact that the young, the well-to-do, or the hale and hearty might have 'more to be grateful for.'" Read further summaries.
Gratitude: the essential first tool
In 2002, I had a stretch where everywhere I turned the focus was on gratitude: psychological research on being grateful, practices of gratitude, songs, scripture, radio talk shows, until I finally got the message: gratitude matters. Gratitude is central to emotional and spiritual well-being. So I'm going to ask you to retrace with me, as much as I am able, some of those things that woke me up.
I heard about the gratitude journal or read about it as a recommendation from Oprah Winfrey, and even heard about it at a work seminar, and then I started reading Sara Ban Breathnach's Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. She introduces the idea of a gratitude journal. "All the other principles that can transform your life will not blossom and flourish without gratitude." (Jan. 14 entry) ... The gratitude journal is not optional.
Get a blank book or journal or notebook. Each day write down five things that you are grateful for. She does it at night. I start my day with it. Some days they are big, most days they are simple joys. Sometimes five things come very quickly, and I add a sixth or seventh. Other days it takes a while and I have to resort to flipping back through to remind myself of what I have to be grateful for. What matters most is doing it regularly. It took a couple of tries, but I have now been doing this practice for five years. I have notebooks that are cheap spiral memopads and fancy blank books. I prefer small ones to fit the pocket of my overnight bag, because no matter where I am, this is part of my morning ritual. It could be a nighttime ritual too.
But just do it!
I heard about the gratitude journal or read about it as a recommendation from Oprah Winfrey, and even heard about it at a work seminar, and then I started reading Sara Ban Breathnach's Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. She introduces the idea of a gratitude journal. "All the other principles that can transform your life will not blossom and flourish without gratitude." (Jan. 14 entry) ... The gratitude journal is not optional.
Get a blank book or journal or notebook. Each day write down five things that you are grateful for. She does it at night. I start my day with it. Some days they are big, most days they are simple joys. Sometimes five things come very quickly, and I add a sixth or seventh. Other days it takes a while and I have to resort to flipping back through to remind myself of what I have to be grateful for. What matters most is doing it regularly. It took a couple of tries, but I have now been doing this practice for five years. I have notebooks that are cheap spiral memopads and fancy blank books. I prefer small ones to fit the pocket of my overnight bag, because no matter where I am, this is part of my morning ritual. It could be a nighttime ritual too.
But just do it!
Friday, September 14, 2007
Building awareness this week: mindfulness exercises
Do one exercise on mindfulness each day. Some of them take an hour; many of them take just 5-10 minutes. So you can find the time! Breathing is very portable, too. You have everything you need with you. :-)
Either pick one of the exercises of mindfulness and do it all week or try a different one each day. Part of this exploration is to find practices and exercises that work for you in your life, in the company of a community of support.
Full descriptions of each of the exercises we did together, plus additional ones, can be found in the blog archive to the right, so click on a heading to read or review. Please add your comments on how you are doing below the blog description of the exercise you're doing. What worked? What didn't? What did you notice?
Consider contacting another person from the group and at least one day between now and the next session spend 10 or more minutes together, breathing, listening, or walking.
There are also links embedded in many of the blog articles, as well as a list of links for further exploration to the right. Explore! Enjoy!
Either pick one of the exercises of mindfulness and do it all week or try a different one each day. Part of this exploration is to find practices and exercises that work for you in your life, in the company of a community of support.
Full descriptions of each of the exercises we did together, plus additional ones, can be found in the blog archive to the right, so click on a heading to read or review. Please add your comments on how you are doing below the blog description of the exercise you're doing. What worked? What didn't? What did you notice?
Consider contacting another person from the group and at least one day between now and the next session spend 10 or more minutes together, breathing, listening, or walking.
There are also links embedded in many of the blog articles, as well as a list of links for further exploration to the right. Explore! Enjoy!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Mindfulness in Daily Life
You can practice mindful awareness throughout your day.
1) Eating/Chewing: count the number of times you chew each bite. Before a bite, notice the color, shape, smells; think about where the ingredients for this bite started and how they arrived on your plate. During a bite, notice the texture, taste, temperature. After a bite, be conscious of swallowing, and the path of food into your body.
2) Washing dishes or scrubbing: watch the soap bubbles, notice textures of soap against dishes, of the dishes, glasses or pots and pans, of the patterns and designs that your sponge or cloth make against the dish or counter or floor.
3) Lifting weights: If you lift weights, you know how much more effective your weight lifting will be if you lift slowly and with focus.
4) Drinking water: how much water do you drink? Could you remember and be aware of that? We are often dehydrated without knowing it. What can you do to be aware of your need for water?
5) Sitting: are you aware of how you sit? Could you be more conscious of how you sit and then feel more relaxed or refreshed by changing the way you sit? Listen to a Feldenkrais Awareness through Movement exercise from Utah or the UK.
1) Eating/Chewing: count the number of times you chew each bite. Before a bite, notice the color, shape, smells; think about where the ingredients for this bite started and how they arrived on your plate. During a bite, notice the texture, taste, temperature. After a bite, be conscious of swallowing, and the path of food into your body.
2) Washing dishes or scrubbing: watch the soap bubbles, notice textures of soap against dishes, of the dishes, glasses or pots and pans, of the patterns and designs that your sponge or cloth make against the dish or counter or floor.
3) Lifting weights: If you lift weights, you know how much more effective your weight lifting will be if you lift slowly and with focus.
4) Drinking water: how much water do you drink? Could you remember and be aware of that? We are often dehydrated without knowing it. What can you do to be aware of your need for water?
5) Sitting: are you aware of how you sit? Could you be more conscious of how you sit and then feel more relaxed or refreshed by changing the way you sit? Listen to a Feldenkrais Awareness through Movement exercise from Utah or the UK.
Mindfulness: Walking a labyrinth
Walking a labyrinth is a wonderful way to meditate and move, if sitting still does not work for you.
There are a number of labyrinths nearby, some near or inside churches or schools, some in fields, some available as mobile canvas paintings.
So, if sitting still to meditate is hard for you, try walking a labyrinth. You can, of course, also let your fingers do the walking with this online labyrinth.
There are a number of labyrinths nearby, some near or inside churches or schools, some in fields, some available as mobile canvas paintings.
So, if sitting still to meditate is hard for you, try walking a labyrinth. You can, of course, also let your fingers do the walking with this online labyrinth.
Mindfulness: your walking rhythm
Try this Walking rhythm exercise from The Listening Book p. 46-7.
W. A. Mathieu writes:
I learned about rhythm and meter on late-afternoon walks home from school. … Walking gives permission. When you are walking, the lid is off: the ridiculous boils off into the sublime. It's OK to hum, whistle, sing and shout, clap, snap, beat your body, squint your eyes, dance, jive, swing and sway. Dancers need music, but walkers are their own music.
People walk approximately two steps per second, about 120 steps per minute. Music played at this "walking temp" makes you feel as though you are walking even if you are sitting down. It resonates with the shape and function of your body. A little faster tempo, a few more beats per minute—say, 130—feels like a brisk walk, pushing it, maybe. Slightly fewer beats per minute—say, 108—feels like a lazy amble, maybe too slow. We are so sensitive to the precise center of this range that conductors use it as a reference point in memorizing various tempi. Everyone knows the feeling of this center; when you know you know it, magic happens.
Take a walk. Enter the rhythm your body gives you. Sing anything. Make up a tuneless tune, or a new language (Legs-mouth). Listen to what you are saying in this language; it is a key to your own music. Feel how your breathing and your walking and the sounds you are making modulate one another.
Walking wisdom is natural and lets you learn complex things easily. While keeping your stride free and even, start saying "left, right, left, right" in time with your legs. Then, without altering your gait, accent every third word: "left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right." This is a basic way of crossing rhythms that has fascinated us unwaveringly for millennia. You'll never get tired of it. Guaranteed. It gives more energy than it takes. You are waltzing and marching simultaneously, balanced between two qualities.
W. A. Mathieu writes:
I learned about rhythm and meter on late-afternoon walks home from school. … Walking gives permission. When you are walking, the lid is off: the ridiculous boils off into the sublime. It's OK to hum, whistle, sing and shout, clap, snap, beat your body, squint your eyes, dance, jive, swing and sway. Dancers need music, but walkers are their own music.
People walk approximately two steps per second, about 120 steps per minute. Music played at this "walking temp" makes you feel as though you are walking even if you are sitting down. It resonates with the shape and function of your body. A little faster tempo, a few more beats per minute—say, 130—feels like a brisk walk, pushing it, maybe. Slightly fewer beats per minute—say, 108—feels like a lazy amble, maybe too slow. We are so sensitive to the precise center of this range that conductors use it as a reference point in memorizing various tempi. Everyone knows the feeling of this center; when you know you know it, magic happens.
Take a walk. Enter the rhythm your body gives you. Sing anything. Make up a tuneless tune, or a new language (Legs-mouth). Listen to what you are saying in this language; it is a key to your own music. Feel how your breathing and your walking and the sounds you are making modulate one another.
Walking wisdom is natural and lets you learn complex things easily. While keeping your stride free and even, start saying "left, right, left, right" in time with your legs. Then, without altering your gait, accent every third word: "left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right." This is a basic way of crossing rhythms that has fascinated us unwaveringly for millennia. You'll never get tired of it. Guaranteed. It gives more energy than it takes. You are waltzing and marching simultaneously, balanced between two qualities.
Mindfulness: Walking awareness
Walking with ease: from hips to spine to arms
Josef DellaGrotte writes:
Walking upright requires an alignment with central gravity that is unique to humans. This connecting link starts from the hips, the strong bony structure and articulations of the pelvis generate three actions which are essential to getting lift and forward power. The hips have to rotate laterally bend and extend and flex. That power is then transmitted to the spine and the ribs, which need to be in the best alignment to transmit the vectors of force. So what if it isn’t in the best alignment? First, Imagine a car trying to up hill in high gear. There is not enough power, the engine over heat and damage soon occurs. It is the same in a human body. If the hips are not generating the “horse power” because of restrictions in action, then you walk harder using the legs. The legs become stressed often manifesting this stress as knee problems. Second, The hips are doing okay but the spine is curved either in a lower back lordosis or mid back kyphosis. Problem: The vector force has to travel through mobile moving joints of the spine. If it can’t the hips work harder carrying the load of the upper body on them. This is not good. Does this sound discouraging? Look at it this way, if you recognize you are working too hard to walk, it is only matter of some learning upgrade to get the system functioning the way it was designed to do.
Try this Exercise
1. Face a door or wall. Place your fingers on it and organize yourself to be standing close and in the vertical plane. Avoid any leaning forward or putting pressure on your fingers.
2. Now stand on one leg. Keep that leg straight and push through that leg as if you were pressing into the ground and generating a ground forces, a spring like action that runs up your spine and gives you the feeling of uplift (getting taller).
3. Think of directing the force through your body and notice how the body starts to turn. While you are doing this your other leg should have no weight on it. It can be touching the ground with the toes with the heel lifted to maintain your balance. Practice this activity on one leg, rest, and then do it with your other leg.
The key to this exercise is trial by experiment in order to sense differences and notice connections. Simply by doing and noticing, you start to activate your innate ability to feel the connection between pushing through a straightened leg and following that force as it travels through your body. It will probably rotate you slightly through the left if you are standing on your right leg or to the right if you are standing on your left leg.
Follow the force of this thrusting until you are clear where the end point is. Simply by doing this exercise you are already developing awareness through movement, (Dr. Moshe Feldenkrais-based principles and process) of sensing limbs, joint actions, resonant motion, lengthening and strengthening in an interconnected way. Once you start to cultivate the sensing of such connections, your walking will improve automatically.
The benefits: Walking provides much needed "resonant movement" through many of the axial joints. It is essential in maintaining spinal flexibility and upright posture. Walking provides needed elongation to the spine, plus strengthening, endurance, relaxation and perhaps most important, confidence building. Walking is the basic foundation of fitness. Walking is known to reduce cardiac problems, stroke, and arthritic conditions with a host of other benefits to the entire body.
Josef DellaGrotte writes:
Walking upright requires an alignment with central gravity that is unique to humans. This connecting link starts from the hips, the strong bony structure and articulations of the pelvis generate three actions which are essential to getting lift and forward power. The hips have to rotate laterally bend and extend and flex. That power is then transmitted to the spine and the ribs, which need to be in the best alignment to transmit the vectors of force. So what if it isn’t in the best alignment? First, Imagine a car trying to up hill in high gear. There is not enough power, the engine over heat and damage soon occurs. It is the same in a human body. If the hips are not generating the “horse power” because of restrictions in action, then you walk harder using the legs. The legs become stressed often manifesting this stress as knee problems. Second, The hips are doing okay but the spine is curved either in a lower back lordosis or mid back kyphosis. Problem: The vector force has to travel through mobile moving joints of the spine. If it can’t the hips work harder carrying the load of the upper body on them. This is not good. Does this sound discouraging? Look at it this way, if you recognize you are working too hard to walk, it is only matter of some learning upgrade to get the system functioning the way it was designed to do.
Try this Exercise
1. Face a door or wall. Place your fingers on it and organize yourself to be standing close and in the vertical plane. Avoid any leaning forward or putting pressure on your fingers.
2. Now stand on one leg. Keep that leg straight and push through that leg as if you were pressing into the ground and generating a ground forces, a spring like action that runs up your spine and gives you the feeling of uplift (getting taller).
3. Think of directing the force through your body and notice how the body starts to turn. While you are doing this your other leg should have no weight on it. It can be touching the ground with the toes with the heel lifted to maintain your balance. Practice this activity on one leg, rest, and then do it with your other leg.
The key to this exercise is trial by experiment in order to sense differences and notice connections. Simply by doing and noticing, you start to activate your innate ability to feel the connection between pushing through a straightened leg and following that force as it travels through your body. It will probably rotate you slightly through the left if you are standing on your right leg or to the right if you are standing on your left leg.
Follow the force of this thrusting until you are clear where the end point is. Simply by doing this exercise you are already developing awareness through movement, (Dr. Moshe Feldenkrais-based principles and process) of sensing limbs, joint actions, resonant motion, lengthening and strengthening in an interconnected way. Once you start to cultivate the sensing of such connections, your walking will improve automatically.
The benefits: Walking provides much needed "resonant movement" through many of the axial joints. It is essential in maintaining spinal flexibility and upright posture. Walking provides needed elongation to the spine, plus strengthening, endurance, relaxation and perhaps most important, confidence building. Walking is the basic foundation of fitness. Walking is known to reduce cardiac problems, stroke, and arthritic conditions with a host of other benefits to the entire body.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Music to remind us to breathe, listen, walk
Of course, there are songs and hymns that remind us to breathe as well:
Breathe on me, breath of God
"Let it breathe on me, let it breathe on me, let the breath of the Spirit breathe on me." (See this Bread for the Journey blog entry.)
"Speak, Lord, in the stillness, while I wait on thee. Hushed my heart to listen in expectancy..."
"O Happy Day" that talks about learning to walk... (from one of my favorite movies).
What other songs or hymns can you think of?
Breathe on me, breath of God
"Let it breathe on me, let it breathe on me, let the breath of the Spirit breathe on me." (See this Bread for the Journey blog entry.)
"Speak, Lord, in the stillness, while I wait on thee. Hushed my heart to listen in expectancy..."
"O Happy Day" that talks about learning to walk... (from one of my favorite movies).
What other songs or hymns can you think of?
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Mindfulness: Listening in a Sound Space
W. A. Mathieu writes:
You don't have to have an altar to pray or a special place to practice listening. There are monks who meditate in Grand Central Station. Adepts are always in their sound space, or so I'm told. But temples can make you feel holy, and it is useful to have a sound temple, a trusted place where you can let sound all the way in and listen all the way out.
Any place that pleases you is good. Maybe you won't have to look far. Your sound space could be your bed, or a corner of your living room. Maybe you'll have to adjust something for a few minutes, pull the plug of the refrigerator (don't tell a soul and be sure to replug). Or wait until the kids have piped down a bit. Or wait until the neighbor's stereo is off. Maybe you'll have to get the jump on the natives by waking up earlier. Maybe you'll even have to travel some. But sitting quietly in a place where ambient sounds don't trigger negative responses is worth the effort of getting there.
If you look for such a spot you will no doubt find it. People have the habit of going to the country, of seeking out wilderness. But you can find a little wilderness of your own wherever you are.
What is OK in your sound space:
o Sounds of nature
o Live sounds, including speech, especially at some distance
o Lots of different kinds of sounds, including traffic, or even those listed below, if these are sufficiently diffuse or distant not to offend you or hook you into their drama
What is not OK in your sound space:
o Recorded music or anyone practicing music
o Any radio or TV
o Unrelenting mechanical noise
o Anything unpleasantly loud or close, or that makes you uncomfortable
The idea is to create a space that not only protects you from unwanted sound but also releases you from any impulse to close your ears. The exercise is to open up, and wherever you can do that best is your sound space.
W.A. Mathieu, The Listening Book, Boston, MA: Shambala, 1991, p. 17-18.
You don't have to have an altar to pray or a special place to practice listening. There are monks who meditate in Grand Central Station. Adepts are always in their sound space, or so I'm told. But temples can make you feel holy, and it is useful to have a sound temple, a trusted place where you can let sound all the way in and listen all the way out.
Any place that pleases you is good. Maybe you won't have to look far. Your sound space could be your bed, or a corner of your living room. Maybe you'll have to adjust something for a few minutes, pull the plug of the refrigerator (don't tell a soul and be sure to replug). Or wait until the kids have piped down a bit. Or wait until the neighbor's stereo is off. Maybe you'll have to get the jump on the natives by waking up earlier. Maybe you'll even have to travel some. But sitting quietly in a place where ambient sounds don't trigger negative responses is worth the effort of getting there.
If you look for such a spot you will no doubt find it. People have the habit of going to the country, of seeking out wilderness. But you can find a little wilderness of your own wherever you are.
What is OK in your sound space:
o Sounds of nature
o Live sounds, including speech, especially at some distance
o Lots of different kinds of sounds, including traffic, or even those listed below, if these are sufficiently diffuse or distant not to offend you or hook you into their drama
What is not OK in your sound space:
o Recorded music or anyone practicing music
o Any radio or TV
o Unrelenting mechanical noise
o Anything unpleasantly loud or close, or that makes you uncomfortable
The idea is to create a space that not only protects you from unwanted sound but also releases you from any impulse to close your ears. The exercise is to open up, and wherever you can do that best is your sound space.
W.A. Mathieu, The Listening Book, Boston, MA: Shambala, 1991, p. 17-18.
Mindfulness: listening to music
Option 1:
Sit and just listen to one CD without multitasking or doing anything else once per week for eight weeks. Listening while commuting does not count. Recommendations: Ray Charles, Genius Loves Company; J.S. Bach, Brandenberg Concertos (pick one); Johannes Brahms, Ein Deutches Requiem; Mary Chapin Carpenter, The Calling; Ella Fitzgerald, The Intimate Ella; your favorite—45 minutes to an hour.
Comment about what new words, music, phrasing, styling, tone, etc. that you notice that you didn't hear the first time.
If you happen to fall asleep while doing this, count it a success as a relaxation technique. :-)
Option 2:
Listen to a short piece of instrumental music (3-6 minutes) twice in a row every day for five days. Classical, jazz, rock, folk, anything you love--just without words. Don't do anything else. As you listen, close your eyes, relax, and "keep coming back to the sound. Grab onto any aural feature, a particular instrument or tone. ... Inhale music and exhale music. ... Scan it high and low. Be starved for it. Let it be starved for you." W. A. Mathieu, The Listening Book, p. 36-7
Comment about what you felt and where in your body you felt it, what shapes, light, colors or textures you "saw" as you listened, or what associations you made.
Sit and just listen to one CD without multitasking or doing anything else once per week for eight weeks. Listening while commuting does not count. Recommendations: Ray Charles, Genius Loves Company; J.S. Bach, Brandenberg Concertos (pick one); Johannes Brahms, Ein Deutches Requiem; Mary Chapin Carpenter, The Calling; Ella Fitzgerald, The Intimate Ella; your favorite—45 minutes to an hour.
Comment about what new words, music, phrasing, styling, tone, etc. that you notice that you didn't hear the first time.
If you happen to fall asleep while doing this, count it a success as a relaxation technique. :-)
Option 2:
Listen to a short piece of instrumental music (3-6 minutes) twice in a row every day for five days. Classical, jazz, rock, folk, anything you love--just without words. Don't do anything else. As you listen, close your eyes, relax, and "keep coming back to the sound. Grab onto any aural feature, a particular instrument or tone. ... Inhale music and exhale music. ... Scan it high and low. Be starved for it. Let it be starved for you." W. A. Mathieu, The Listening Book, p. 36-7
Comment about what you felt and where in your body you felt it, what shapes, light, colors or textures you "saw" as you listened, or what associations you made.
Mindfulness: Listening, Symphony of Place exercise
Get a pencil and paper. Become aware of all the sounds you are hearing now, this moment, as you read. Make a list of them. Close your eyes from time to time. Swivel your head slightly to change the mix. Make a sweep from nearby sounds to distant sounds. Fall into the distance. Become transparent. Now fall into the nearness. Make a sweep from the highest sounds to the lowest ones. Disappear into the stratosphere, reappear underground. If your space is quiet enough you will hear your own internal sounds: breath, maybe your blood in your ears. Or the subtle sounds of cloth against cloth, skin against skin. Count everything; write everything down. Use words economically. Later, if you like, you can set the scene and go into detail.
Now make your sweeps into scans so rapid that you have the illusion of hearing everything at once. Now close your eyes and hear everything at once. Now cup your hands behind your ears. Technicolor!
This is the sound of your now, your Symphony of Place.
from W. A. Mathieu, The Listening Book, Boston, MA: Shambala, 1991, p. 10-11.
Now make your sweeps into scans so rapid that you have the illusion of hearing everything at once. Now close your eyes and hear everything at once. Now cup your hands behind your ears. Technicolor!
This is the sound of your now, your Symphony of Place.
from W. A. Mathieu, The Listening Book, Boston, MA: Shambala, 1991, p. 10-11.
Mindfulness: Breath as an introduction to meditation
Jon Kabat-Zinn introduces the relationship between breath, mindfulness and meditation.
He writes:
1. A good place to start cultivating mindfulness is in the body.
2. Befriending your breath is a good idea, since you can’t leave home without it – and it is so related to our states of mind.
3. See if from time to time you can just feel the breath moving in and out of your body.
4. Locate where the breath sensations are most vivid, and “surf ” with full awareness on those breath waves, moment by moment – in the belly, at the nostrils, or wherever.
5. Try lying in bed for a few moments after you wake up, and just ride on the waves of your own breathing, moment by moment and breath by breath.
6. Experiment with expanding your awareness around your breath until it includes a sense of the body as a whole lying in bed breathing.
7. As best you can, be aware of the various sensations fluxing in the body, including the breath sensations.
8. Just rest in the awareness of lying here breathing, outside of time, even if it is only for a minute or two by the clock.
9. When you notice that the mind has a life of its own and wanders here and there, keep in mind that this is just what minds do, so there is no need to judge it.
10. Just note what is on your mind if you are no longer in touch with the breath or with the sensations of the body lying in the bed, and without judgment or criticism, just let that be part of your awareness in the moment, and feature once again the breath and the body center-stage in the field of your awareness.
11. Repeat step 10 a few million times.
12. It is very easy to fall into the thought stream and get caught up in the future (worrying, planning) and the past (remembering, blaming, pining) and in reactive and often painful emotions.
13. No need to try to stop any of this from happening when you can just bring a big embrace of openhearted, spacious, accepting awareness to it and, lo and behold, you are once again sitting on the bank of the thought stream, listening to the gurgling but not so caught up in the torrent for the moment.
14. You can cultivate mindfulness in this way lying in bed for a few moments in the morning, or in the evening before going to sleep.
15. You can also cultivate mindfulness sitting, standing, walking, and eating – in fact, in any position or situation, including brushing your teeth, taking a shower, talking on the phone, running, working out at the gym, cooking, picking up the kids, making love, whatever is unfolding in your life in the present moment.
16. It helps to be present for it and for yourself.
17. Remember – the real meditation is your life, and how you inhabit it moment by moment.
He writes:
1. A good place to start cultivating mindfulness is in the body.
2. Befriending your breath is a good idea, since you can’t leave home without it – and it is so related to our states of mind.
3. See if from time to time you can just feel the breath moving in and out of your body.
4. Locate where the breath sensations are most vivid, and “surf ” with full awareness on those breath waves, moment by moment – in the belly, at the nostrils, or wherever.
5. Try lying in bed for a few moments after you wake up, and just ride on the waves of your own breathing, moment by moment and breath by breath.
6. Experiment with expanding your awareness around your breath until it includes a sense of the body as a whole lying in bed breathing.
7. As best you can, be aware of the various sensations fluxing in the body, including the breath sensations.
8. Just rest in the awareness of lying here breathing, outside of time, even if it is only for a minute or two by the clock.
9. When you notice that the mind has a life of its own and wanders here and there, keep in mind that this is just what minds do, so there is no need to judge it.
10. Just note what is on your mind if you are no longer in touch with the breath or with the sensations of the body lying in the bed, and without judgment or criticism, just let that be part of your awareness in the moment, and feature once again the breath and the body center-stage in the field of your awareness.
11. Repeat step 10 a few million times.
12. It is very easy to fall into the thought stream and get caught up in the future (worrying, planning) and the past (remembering, blaming, pining) and in reactive and often painful emotions.
13. No need to try to stop any of this from happening when you can just bring a big embrace of openhearted, spacious, accepting awareness to it and, lo and behold, you are once again sitting on the bank of the thought stream, listening to the gurgling but not so caught up in the torrent for the moment.
14. You can cultivate mindfulness in this way lying in bed for a few moments in the morning, or in the evening before going to sleep.
15. You can also cultivate mindfulness sitting, standing, walking, and eating – in fact, in any position or situation, including brushing your teeth, taking a shower, talking on the phone, running, working out at the gym, cooking, picking up the kids, making love, whatever is unfolding in your life in the present moment.
16. It helps to be present for it and for yourself.
17. Remember – the real meditation is your life, and how you inhabit it moment by moment.
Mindfulness: Breath and progressive muscle relaxation
Herbert Benson is well-known for his work on the connection between the mind and body, and the work on the relaxation response. Here is an excerpt from his website:
Elicitation of the relaxation response is actually quite easy. There are two essential steps:
A. Repetition of a word, sound, phrase, prayer, or muscular activity.
B. Passive disregard of everyday thoughts that inevitably come to mind and the return to your repetition.
The following is the generic technique taught at the Benson-Henry Institute:
1. Pick a focus word, short phrase, or prayer that is firmly rooted in your belief system, such as "one," "peace," "The Lord is my shepherd," "Hail Mary full of grace," or "shalom."
2. Sit quietly in a comfortable position.
3. Close your eyes.
4. Relax your muscles, progressing from your feet to your calves, thighs, abdomen, shoulders, head, and neck.
5. Breathe slowly and naturally, and as you do, say your focus word, sound, phrase, or prayer silently to yourself as you exhale.
6. Assume a passive attitude. Don't worry about how well you're doing. When other thoughts come to mind, simply say to yourself, "Oh well," and gently return to your repetition.
7. Continue for ten to 20 minutes.
8. Do not stand immediately. Continue sitting quietly for a minute or so, allowing other thoughts to return. Then open your eyes and sit for another minute before rising.
9. Practice the technique once or twice daily. Good times to do so are before breakfast and before dinner.
Regular elicitation of the relaxation response has been scientifically proven to be an effective treatment for a wide range of stress-related disorders. In fact, to the extent that any disease is caused or made worse by stress, the relaxation response can help.
Elicitation of the relaxation response is actually quite easy. There are two essential steps:
A. Repetition of a word, sound, phrase, prayer, or muscular activity.
B. Passive disregard of everyday thoughts that inevitably come to mind and the return to your repetition.
The following is the generic technique taught at the Benson-Henry Institute:
1. Pick a focus word, short phrase, or prayer that is firmly rooted in your belief system, such as "one," "peace," "The Lord is my shepherd," "Hail Mary full of grace," or "shalom."
2. Sit quietly in a comfortable position.
3. Close your eyes.
4. Relax your muscles, progressing from your feet to your calves, thighs, abdomen, shoulders, head, and neck.
5. Breathe slowly and naturally, and as you do, say your focus word, sound, phrase, or prayer silently to yourself as you exhale.
6. Assume a passive attitude. Don't worry about how well you're doing. When other thoughts come to mind, simply say to yourself, "Oh well," and gently return to your repetition.
7. Continue for ten to 20 minutes.
8. Do not stand immediately. Continue sitting quietly for a minute or so, allowing other thoughts to return. Then open your eyes and sit for another minute before rising.
9. Practice the technique once or twice daily. Good times to do so are before breakfast and before dinner.
Regular elicitation of the relaxation response has been scientifically proven to be an effective treatment for a wide range of stress-related disorders. In fact, to the extent that any disease is caused or made worse by stress, the relaxation response can help.
Mindfulness: Core/deep breathing
Do you know how to breathe deeply? It is a key component for all health.
Are you a shallow or deep breather? Take Nancy Zi's simple test: Put your palms against your lower abdomen and blow out all the air. Now, take a big breath. If your abdomen expands when you inhale and air seems to flow in deeply to the pit of your stomach, you're on the right track.
More typically, though, shallow breathers are likely to take a breath and pull in their stomach, which pushes the diaphragm up so the air has nowhere to go. What happens next is that the shoulders go up to make room. "All this effort for something, which should be a natural gift!" Zi exclaims.
To fill the lungs more deeply, "Lower the diaphragm muscle by expanding the abdomen. When this happens, the lungs elongate and draw in air. You don't breathe into the abdomen; you allow it to expand comfortably all around its circumference — back, sides and front. Proper core breathing is really the foundation for all things — it's the foundation of health."
"Where is the core? It's below the navel a few inches or so. It isn't a thing, you can't see it: it's a sensation. Zi likes to use the image of a lotus blossom when teaching people how to breathe from their core: "When you inhale, imagine a blossom opening within your abdomen; when you exhale, the blossom closes. You open from the center of the blossom, the core. What causes the petals to open is the energy from the core; the more you breathe from the core, the more you stimulate and nourish its energy, and you become more in control."
To practice deep breathing, sniff in four times, hold for a count of four and then hiss or gently blow out on a count of eight. Work your way up to blowing out for progressively longer counts of twelve, sixteen, twenty, etc. Then try taking a deep breath, filling the diaphragm on one long intake, hold it, and blow out for progressively longer counts as before. Don't raise your shoulders or expand your chest. All the movement of the breath comes from the waist or below.
Are you a shallow or deep breather? Take Nancy Zi's simple test: Put your palms against your lower abdomen and blow out all the air. Now, take a big breath. If your abdomen expands when you inhale and air seems to flow in deeply to the pit of your stomach, you're on the right track.
More typically, though, shallow breathers are likely to take a breath and pull in their stomach, which pushes the diaphragm up so the air has nowhere to go. What happens next is that the shoulders go up to make room. "All this effort for something, which should be a natural gift!" Zi exclaims.
To fill the lungs more deeply, "Lower the diaphragm muscle by expanding the abdomen. When this happens, the lungs elongate and draw in air. You don't breathe into the abdomen; you allow it to expand comfortably all around its circumference — back, sides and front. Proper core breathing is really the foundation for all things — it's the foundation of health."
"Where is the core? It's below the navel a few inches or so. It isn't a thing, you can't see it: it's a sensation. Zi likes to use the image of a lotus blossom when teaching people how to breathe from their core: "When you inhale, imagine a blossom opening within your abdomen; when you exhale, the blossom closes. You open from the center of the blossom, the core. What causes the petals to open is the energy from the core; the more you breathe from the core, the more you stimulate and nourish its energy, and you become more in control."
To practice deep breathing, sniff in four times, hold for a count of four and then hiss or gently blow out on a count of eight. Work your way up to blowing out for progressively longer counts of twelve, sixteen, twenty, etc. Then try taking a deep breath, filling the diaphragm on one long intake, hold it, and blow out for progressively longer counts as before. Don't raise your shoulders or expand your chest. All the movement of the breath comes from the waist or below.
Mindfulness: a search through the Bible
Mindfulness is awareness.
"A good place to start cultivating mindfulness is in the body." Jon Kabat-Zinn
We will start with some physical practices and exercises: breathing, listening, walking, and other aspects of daily life.
While we have talked about Buddhist tradition and here in the U.S. we often think of Buddhism when we think of meditation, I offer the following reflection and selections from the Bible on breath and breathing, listening and walking and mindfulness. We start with breath because that's where God started in Genesis 2:7 "then the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and the man became a living being."
Job 33:4, The spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.
Listening is used often in the Bible especially by the prophets, to call people to attention to what is going on in the world: Isaiah 18:3, All you inhabitants of the world, you who live on the earth, when a signal is raised on the mountains, look! When a trumpet is blown, listen! Isaiah 55:3 Incline your ear, and come to me; listen, so that you may live. Matthew 11:15 Let anyone with ears listen! Acts 28: 26-27 'Go to this people and say, You will indeed listen, but never understand, and you will indeed look, but never perceive. For this people’s heart has grown dull, and their ears are hard of hearing, and they have shut their eyes; so that they might not look with their eyes, and listen with their ears, and understand with their heart and turn—and I would heal them.' Our exercises in listening address the kinds of issues that these scriptures describe.
Walking also starts early on with God: Genesis 3:8, They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
The central tenet and prayer of Judaism regards walking as essential: Deuteronomy 10:12, So now, O Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you? Only to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments of the Lord your God and his decrees that I am commanding you today, for your own well-being.
Walking indeed is part of the Christian faith: 2 Corinthians 5:5-7 He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always confident; even though we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord— for we walk by faith, not by sight.
In fact, mindfulness starts with God's work of creation as described by the Psalmist: Psalm 8:3-4 When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars that you have established; what are human beings that you are mindful of them, mortals that you care for them?
God is mindful of us, and we are created in the image of God, so that we too may be mindful of all of creation, ourselves included.
"A good place to start cultivating mindfulness is in the body." Jon Kabat-Zinn
We will start with some physical practices and exercises: breathing, listening, walking, and other aspects of daily life.
While we have talked about Buddhist tradition and here in the U.S. we often think of Buddhism when we think of meditation, I offer the following reflection and selections from the Bible on breath and breathing, listening and walking and mindfulness. We start with breath because that's where God started in Genesis 2:7 "then the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and the man became a living being."
Job 33:4, The spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.
Listening is used often in the Bible especially by the prophets, to call people to attention to what is going on in the world: Isaiah 18:3, All you inhabitants of the world, you who live on the earth, when a signal is raised on the mountains, look! When a trumpet is blown, listen! Isaiah 55:3 Incline your ear, and come to me; listen, so that you may live. Matthew 11:15 Let anyone with ears listen! Acts 28: 26-27 'Go to this people and say, You will indeed listen, but never understand, and you will indeed look, but never perceive. For this people’s heart has grown dull, and their ears are hard of hearing, and they have shut their eyes; so that they might not look with their eyes, and listen with their ears, and understand with their heart and turn—and I would heal them.' Our exercises in listening address the kinds of issues that these scriptures describe.
Walking also starts early on with God: Genesis 3:8, They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
The central tenet and prayer of Judaism regards walking as essential: Deuteronomy 10:12, So now, O Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you? Only to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments of the Lord your God and his decrees that I am commanding you today, for your own well-being.
Walking indeed is part of the Christian faith: 2 Corinthians 5:5-7 He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always confident; even though we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord— for we walk by faith, not by sight.
In fact, mindfulness starts with God's work of creation as described by the Psalmist: Psalm 8:3-4 When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars that you have established; what are human beings that you are mindful of them, mortals that you care for them?
God is mindful of us, and we are created in the image of God, so that we too may be mindful of all of creation, ourselves included.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Qualities of peak emotional, mental and spiritual health
What are the qualities of peak emotional, mental and spiritual health?
I got started thinking about this when I read an excerpt that described a person doing meditation as an Olympic level emotional or spiritual athlete. We each could probably describe the physical characteristics of an Olympic level athlete, and what they had to do to get to that level, and even how we might compare to an Olympic caliber athlete, but what would be the equivalent characteristics of peak mental, emotional or spiritual health, and what would you need to do to get to that peak level, or even just "fit?" We talk about people who are mentally ill, or emotionally unstable, or spiritually deficit, but what are the positive ways to describe health in those areas and what practices and exercises would we have to do to get to a level of fitness mentally, emotionally or spiritually?
"These are the Olympic athletes, the gold medalists, of meditation," Davidson says. … "In Buddhist tradition," Davidson explains, "'meditation' is a word that is equivalent to a word like 'sports' in the U.S. It's a family of activity, not a single thing." Each of these meditative practices calls on different mental skills, according to Buddhist practitioners. The Wisconsin researchers, for example, are focusing on three common forms of Buddhist meditation. "One is focused attention, where they specifically train themselves to focus on a single object for long periods of time," Davidson says. "The second area is where they voluntarily cultivate compassion. It's something they do every day, and they have special exercises where they envision negative events, something that causes anger or irritability, and then transform it and infuse it with an antidote, which is compassion. They say they are able to do it just like that," he says, snapping his fingers. "The third is called 'open presence.' It is a state of being acutely aware of whatever thought, emotion or sensation is present, without reacting to it. They describe it as pure awareness." ("Is Buddhism Good for Your Health?" by Stephen S. Hall, New York Times, September 14, 2003)
Post a comment with your list of qualities that describe Olympic caliber spiritual, emotional and mental health.
If you have ever been or are affiliated with a religion or religious institution, how does that community or institution affect or contribute to your spiritual, emotional and mental health or practices of relaxation, reflection and restoration?
I got started thinking about this when I read an excerpt that described a person doing meditation as an Olympic level emotional or spiritual athlete. We each could probably describe the physical characteristics of an Olympic level athlete, and what they had to do to get to that level, and even how we might compare to an Olympic caliber athlete, but what would be the equivalent characteristics of peak mental, emotional or spiritual health, and what would you need to do to get to that peak level, or even just "fit?" We talk about people who are mentally ill, or emotionally unstable, or spiritually deficit, but what are the positive ways to describe health in those areas and what practices and exercises would we have to do to get to a level of fitness mentally, emotionally or spiritually?
"These are the Olympic athletes, the gold medalists, of meditation," Davidson says. … "In Buddhist tradition," Davidson explains, "'meditation' is a word that is equivalent to a word like 'sports' in the U.S. It's a family of activity, not a single thing." Each of these meditative practices calls on different mental skills, according to Buddhist practitioners. The Wisconsin researchers, for example, are focusing on three common forms of Buddhist meditation. "One is focused attention, where they specifically train themselves to focus on a single object for long periods of time," Davidson says. "The second area is where they voluntarily cultivate compassion. It's something they do every day, and they have special exercises where they envision negative events, something that causes anger or irritability, and then transform it and infuse it with an antidote, which is compassion. They say they are able to do it just like that," he says, snapping his fingers. "The third is called 'open presence.' It is a state of being acutely aware of whatever thought, emotion or sensation is present, without reacting to it. They describe it as pure awareness." ("Is Buddhism Good for Your Health?" by Stephen S. Hall, New York Times, September 14, 2003)
Post a comment with your list of qualities that describe Olympic caliber spiritual, emotional and mental health.
If you have ever been or are affiliated with a religion or religious institution, how does that community or institution affect or contribute to your spiritual, emotional and mental health or practices of relaxation, reflection and restoration?
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
As we start
How many of you ever played a musical instrument? Learned your multiplication tables? Participated in a sport? What was the key? Practice.
These are practices, not perfection. That means that you can just try them, without expecting to get them "right" the first time. You can change the way you do them from one time to the next. In order for them to be effective, you need to do them again and again. You will figure out what works for you, just as you did when learning your scales, your throw or swing or steps, or 4 times 8.
I have found that there are exercises that I can do by myself, and then there are exercises that are a lot more enjoyable if I do them with others. As a busy adult, I am a big fan of exercises that I can do in short amounts of time, without much equipment, in small spaces. But there are exercises that I used to do and that some of my friends still love that just need more time, equipment and space. We will explore exercises for emotional, mental and spiritual health that you can do alone or with others, in five minutes or in an hour or a day, anywhere or in a special place.
Because your mind, heart and soul exist in your body, many of these exercises have a physical component, sometimes active and energetic, and sometimes slower and quiet. As with all exercise programs, you should pay attention to any pain and what it tells you.
My hope is that you will find some exercises that you can incorporate into your life on a regular basis that help you reduce the effects of stress and tension,
that in using these practices of reflection, relaxation and restoration you are more fully yourself and whole,
and that in doing these as a group or community that we can support one another and foster an awareness of what is emotional, mental and spiritual health and well-being.
These are practices, not perfection. That means that you can just try them, without expecting to get them "right" the first time. You can change the way you do them from one time to the next. In order for them to be effective, you need to do them again and again. You will figure out what works for you, just as you did when learning your scales, your throw or swing or steps, or 4 times 8.
I have found that there are exercises that I can do by myself, and then there are exercises that are a lot more enjoyable if I do them with others. As a busy adult, I am a big fan of exercises that I can do in short amounts of time, without much equipment, in small spaces. But there are exercises that I used to do and that some of my friends still love that just need more time, equipment and space. We will explore exercises for emotional, mental and spiritual health that you can do alone or with others, in five minutes or in an hour or a day, anywhere or in a special place.
Because your mind, heart and soul exist in your body, many of these exercises have a physical component, sometimes active and energetic, and sometimes slower and quiet. As with all exercise programs, you should pay attention to any pain and what it tells you.
My hope is that you will find some exercises that you can incorporate into your life on a regular basis that help you reduce the effects of stress and tension,
that in using these practices of reflection, relaxation and restoration you are more fully yourself and whole,
and that in doing these as a group or community that we can support one another and foster an awareness of what is emotional, mental and spiritual health and well-being.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Welcome
I'm glad you have decided to join me in this exploration of exercises that will create and sustain our emotional, mental and spiritual health.
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