Read this famous scripture about fear: Luke 1: 28-31
--What works to banish your fears or anxieties? What convinces you to "fear not?"
Practices:
Too often we mistake material gifts as a substitute for being present with ourselves, for our loved ones and with God. We make idols of many things rather than turning to God. One definition of spiritual health considers our ability to turn to God in love, rather than to idols in fear as a key to spiritual health.
"Repeatedly, humans create false Gods to worship. Even when we have formally pledged our allegiance to the living God, we still can't stop ourselves from this tendency to create and cling to false gods. … Idol making is fueled by our innate insecurity with human existence itself, with our creatureliness, with our perceived powerlessness over the forces that control us. Fueled by this anxiety, we are driven to idolize.
Anything, even good things, can be made into a god, especially in the context of bereavement. … Idolatry occurs when something that is less than God is set up as a god. Nearly anything can be made into a god. In ancient times it was the attributes of nature—there were sun gods and gods of thunder and gods that dwelt in the ocean depths. … Caesar was treated like a god, as were the pharaohs of Egypt. … In more modern times, we find people who worship success, fame, power, status and wealth. They live for their gods just as surely as the ancients did for theirs.
Whether ancient or modern, however, idols are always essentially temporary, not eternal. … The fact that false gods are essentially temporary in nature, in contrast to the living God who is eternal, is a helpful distinction to keep in mind as we approach a discussion of loss in later life. We grieve over "attachments" in life that are temporary.
Another central feature of idolatry is that these lesser gods are almost always concrete or visible entities. … Normally, we see only God's trace after God has passed by: God's work and God's action after the fact. Worshiping this kind of God requires great trust. It is much easier for humans to worship the false gods, who are more concrete and whose benefits are more tangible.
The false god's appeal is always to something we need or feel we need to survive. Most of these needs, in proper perspective, are normal human needs. We need food, safety, self-esteem, love, and a sense of transcendence. [The paradox of idols is that] they are human creations, products of our own anxieties, and therefore, temporary, limited, finite, and concrete. Their promises are short-sighted." (R. Scott Sullender, Losses in Later Life: A New Way of Walking with God, 2nd edition, New York: Haworth Press, 1999, excerpts from p. 17-22.)
It is recognizing and accepting our own finiteness as a part of creation that we come to terms with our fears. It is through love that we grow in faith to do so. Even our ability to grieve and let go and go on in later years is a sign of our spiritual health and faith, as we are freed from our fears through faith in God's love. Where love is, God is there, and we can let go of fear.
Showing posts with label Bible. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bible. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Grieving: sharing loss, giving comfort
Scriptures: Matthew 5: 4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
--What has been the most comfort for you on an occasion of a loss or a death?
--What could or did your community do best in that kind of occasion? What have you done for others who are grieving?
Scriptures: Philippians 4: 4-7
--How do you feel about sharing your joys or sorrows with someone else? What in your faith makes it possible for you to share your joy or your grief with another? What would make it easier for you to share with another?
Practices:
In sharing your stories of joys and sorrows, I invite you to think about your own calling to ministries of comfort.
"In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matt. 5:4). The original Greek translated here as "those who mourn," hoi penthountes, implies active lamenting: crying, wailing. A few modern versions retain this active sense: the Russian plachushchie, and, in a slightly different sense, the German die da Leid tragen. But many other contemporary translations reshape the active mourning into a passive state of feelings. Here, then, is a place where theological presuppositions have very likely influenced the translation of a word, the meaning of which, in the original language, falls clearly on the active side.
The necessity for actively grieving losses is obvious. We may choose not to grieve, but inevitably we do so to our own detriment, if not to our emotional and spiritual peril. … Those who bury their grief, put on a brave face for all the world to see, neither invite nor allow the kind of care that can bring comfort. Those who do mourn may be comforted. But grieving is and must be optional even though the feeling response of grief is not. … In nonclinical terms this principle means that we are not to violate a person's reluctance to grieve even when we know it would be better for that person to do so.
The beatitude places sorrow-bearing at the center of Christian discipleship. On that matter there are no options. Those who claim Jesus as Lord bear the grief of others because they belong to a Lord who suffers and who in his suffering reveals God as one who suffers. The beatitude makes a telling demand on caregivers. We cannot turn from sorrow. We cannot ignore those who grieve." (Kenneth R. Mitchell & Herbert Anderson, All Our Losses, All Our Griefs, Louisville, KY: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1983, p. 165-6)
Often just being there is all that is necessary.
Writing a note that says "Thinking of you," "You are in my prayers," means a lot.
Asking: "how are you?" and really taking the time to listen for the answer can be a great gift to someone who is grieving.
Later, this might mean asking the widow to dinner even when there are couples and the numbers are uneven so that her social network doesn't vanish.
It might be making a note of the dates of people's losses and sending them a card on the anniversary of those losses.
It often means sitting with our own discomfort about loss and grief, and remembering that in comforting another, we can invite the Comforter to be with us as well, while allowing them the space and time to talk. "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near."
When we think about the rituals that surround grieving a death, they often include space and time to share memories of the person who died. Clearly this is important and cathartic to remember the good, the bad, the funny, the intimate, the essence of the person.
Understanding and confronting the good and the bad about other losses is equally important. What ways have you shared stories about your losses? What ritual could you do with someone to help you in this?
--What has been the most comfort for you on an occasion of a loss or a death?
--What could or did your community do best in that kind of occasion? What have you done for others who are grieving?
Scriptures: Philippians 4: 4-7
--How do you feel about sharing your joys or sorrows with someone else? What in your faith makes it possible for you to share your joy or your grief with another? What would make it easier for you to share with another?
Practices:
In sharing your stories of joys and sorrows, I invite you to think about your own calling to ministries of comfort.
"In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matt. 5:4). The original Greek translated here as "those who mourn," hoi penthountes, implies active lamenting: crying, wailing. A few modern versions retain this active sense: the Russian plachushchie, and, in a slightly different sense, the German die da Leid tragen. But many other contemporary translations reshape the active mourning into a passive state of feelings. Here, then, is a place where theological presuppositions have very likely influenced the translation of a word, the meaning of which, in the original language, falls clearly on the active side.
The necessity for actively grieving losses is obvious. We may choose not to grieve, but inevitably we do so to our own detriment, if not to our emotional and spiritual peril. … Those who bury their grief, put on a brave face for all the world to see, neither invite nor allow the kind of care that can bring comfort. Those who do mourn may be comforted. But grieving is and must be optional even though the feeling response of grief is not. … In nonclinical terms this principle means that we are not to violate a person's reluctance to grieve even when we know it would be better for that person to do so.
The beatitude places sorrow-bearing at the center of Christian discipleship. On that matter there are no options. Those who claim Jesus as Lord bear the grief of others because they belong to a Lord who suffers and who in his suffering reveals God as one who suffers. The beatitude makes a telling demand on caregivers. We cannot turn from sorrow. We cannot ignore those who grieve." (Kenneth R. Mitchell & Herbert Anderson, All Our Losses, All Our Griefs, Louisville, KY: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1983, p. 165-6)
Often just being there is all that is necessary.
Writing a note that says "Thinking of you," "You are in my prayers," means a lot.
Asking: "how are you?" and really taking the time to listen for the answer can be a great gift to someone who is grieving.
Later, this might mean asking the widow to dinner even when there are couples and the numbers are uneven so that her social network doesn't vanish.
It might be making a note of the dates of people's losses and sending them a card on the anniversary of those losses.
It often means sitting with our own discomfort about loss and grief, and remembering that in comforting another, we can invite the Comforter to be with us as well, while allowing them the space and time to talk. "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near."
When we think about the rituals that surround grieving a death, they often include space and time to share memories of the person who died. Clearly this is important and cathartic to remember the good, the bad, the funny, the intimate, the essence of the person.
Understanding and confronting the good and the bad about other losses is equally important. What ways have you shared stories about your losses? What ritual could you do with someone to help you in this?
Grieving: anger. Anger in the Bible?
--Is it okay to show anger? When is it okay? Is it okay to be angry with God? In this scripture: Psalm 13: 1-6, the Psalmist certainly is.
--When you have suffered a loss, how and at whom are you angry? Have you expressed that anger? How have you worked through that anger?
I believe one of the great strengths of the Christian tradition is the embodied Christ with all of the weaknesses and foibles that having a body entails. Jesus is sometimes angry, tired, sad, vulnerable and just plain ornery, and we can appreciate his example in these things as well as his example when he is loving, accepting, working for justice, healing the broken hearted, feeding the poor, and welcoming the stranger.
What do you think other traditions do well or provide as models for allowing for anger in grieving?
What is "good" anger? So-called righteous anger is often used as a club to bully or oppress others. Yet anger is a normal emotion. How we deal with it in ourselves and in others is the key.
"When we suffer a loss, we are angry. We are in pain and we want to push the pain away. 'When a loved one dies, leaving you lonely and afraid of what your future will bring, you have every reason to be angry. You don't have to apologize about that; it's okay to be angry. What's not okay is taking your anger out unfairly on yourself or others.' In a loss due to death, you can be angry for many reasons, at a number of things: at the medical staff for not responding as you thought they should, at friends or relatives who seemed insensitive or unhelpful, at the person who died and left you behind facing a lot, at God for not answering your prayers in the way you wanted them answered, at yourself, or at your change in roles or life-style or loss of control.
How have you expressed that anger? What has worked? What good ways to express anger have you tried: physical things to work off energy, yelling into a tape recorder, letter writing, destroying old phone books or throwing cheap dishes into a trash pile, or talking to a friend? Make a list of everything and everyone that makes you mad and prioritize those that make you the most mad, then see if you can do anything constructive about those. Just making the list can be helpful. Seek professional help and support if your anger is out of control. 'And it's okay to be angry with God. God can take it.'" (Helen Fitzgerald, The Mourning Handbook, New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994, p. 86-91)
--When you have suffered a loss, how and at whom are you angry? Have you expressed that anger? How have you worked through that anger?
I believe one of the great strengths of the Christian tradition is the embodied Christ with all of the weaknesses and foibles that having a body entails. Jesus is sometimes angry, tired, sad, vulnerable and just plain ornery, and we can appreciate his example in these things as well as his example when he is loving, accepting, working for justice, healing the broken hearted, feeding the poor, and welcoming the stranger.
What do you think other traditions do well or provide as models for allowing for anger in grieving?
What is "good" anger? So-called righteous anger is often used as a club to bully or oppress others. Yet anger is a normal emotion. How we deal with it in ourselves and in others is the key.
"When we suffer a loss, we are angry. We are in pain and we want to push the pain away. 'When a loved one dies, leaving you lonely and afraid of what your future will bring, you have every reason to be angry. You don't have to apologize about that; it's okay to be angry. What's not okay is taking your anger out unfairly on yourself or others.' In a loss due to death, you can be angry for many reasons, at a number of things: at the medical staff for not responding as you thought they should, at friends or relatives who seemed insensitive or unhelpful, at the person who died and left you behind facing a lot, at God for not answering your prayers in the way you wanted them answered, at yourself, or at your change in roles or life-style or loss of control.
How have you expressed that anger? What has worked? What good ways to express anger have you tried: physical things to work off energy, yelling into a tape recorder, letter writing, destroying old phone books or throwing cheap dishes into a trash pile, or talking to a friend? Make a list of everything and everyone that makes you mad and prioritize those that make you the most mad, then see if you can do anything constructive about those. Just making the list can be helpful. Seek professional help and support if your anger is out of control. 'And it's okay to be angry with God. God can take it.'" (Helen Fitzgerald, The Mourning Handbook, New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994, p. 86-91)
Grieving: confronting despair, even in the Bible
Scripture: Psalm 22: 1-18
--Do you think it is okay to express feelings of hopelessness and despair? What is your reaction to reading Psalm 22?
--How can we minister to one another when we feel despair?
It is important to acknowledge that we do not always have hope. The familiar passage from Psalm 22 that Jesus is recorded as crying out from the cross encourages us to cry out as well. We do not have to be Stoics.
"Our roots in the Hebrew tradition, with the full support of the Old Testament as well as the New, testify to the appropriateness, indeed the necessity, of raising an angry clamor when struck with loss. Our baptismal vocation calls for us to be full, whole persons, which means experiencing the full range of feelings naturally arising out of loss. The refusal to grieve openly and actively is essentially an atheistic stance, for it denies that we have a relationship with a God who covenants with us. … We are more free to grieve precisely because our faith is grounded in the promise of a Presence from whom we cannot be separated. It is God's presence, embodied in Christ and continued in the church, that provides a shelter from the fear of abandonment. The testimony both of the Bible and of the history of the Christian faith is that those who have a living relationship with a living God are willing and able to argue with God, cajole God, scream out their anger and pain at God." (Kenneth R. Mitchell & Herbert Anderson, All Our Losses, All Our Griefs, Louisville, KY: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1983, p. 102-3)
You may well want to cry in despair. Do so! Go to a safe place and wail. Read the words of the angry and desperate Psalmist and cry them aloud yourself. But do finish the reading. The Psalms also provide us with reassurance, while acknowledging our difficulties and fears and shortfalls. The writers of the Psalms were people who strayed, sinned and doubted, yet returned to God, remembering God's love and covenant.
--Do you think it is okay to express feelings of hopelessness and despair? What is your reaction to reading Psalm 22?
--How can we minister to one another when we feel despair?
It is important to acknowledge that we do not always have hope. The familiar passage from Psalm 22 that Jesus is recorded as crying out from the cross encourages us to cry out as well. We do not have to be Stoics.
"Our roots in the Hebrew tradition, with the full support of the Old Testament as well as the New, testify to the appropriateness, indeed the necessity, of raising an angry clamor when struck with loss. Our baptismal vocation calls for us to be full, whole persons, which means experiencing the full range of feelings naturally arising out of loss. The refusal to grieve openly and actively is essentially an atheistic stance, for it denies that we have a relationship with a God who covenants with us. … We are more free to grieve precisely because our faith is grounded in the promise of a Presence from whom we cannot be separated. It is God's presence, embodied in Christ and continued in the church, that provides a shelter from the fear of abandonment. The testimony both of the Bible and of the history of the Christian faith is that those who have a living relationship with a living God are willing and able to argue with God, cajole God, scream out their anger and pain at God." (Kenneth R. Mitchell & Herbert Anderson, All Our Losses, All Our Griefs, Louisville, KY: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1983, p. 102-3)
You may well want to cry in despair. Do so! Go to a safe place and wail. Read the words of the angry and desperate Psalmist and cry them aloud yourself. But do finish the reading. The Psalms also provide us with reassurance, while acknowledging our difficulties and fears and shortfalls. The writers of the Psalms were people who strayed, sinned and doubted, yet returned to God, remembering God's love and covenant.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Forgiveness: Bible quotes
[Moses is bargaining with God, when God has become angry with the Israelites' grumbling and lack of faith as they reach the Promised Land. Moses reminds God of God's promises and says:]
"And now, therefore, let the power of the Lord be great in the way that you promised when you spoke, saying, "The Lord is slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the parents upon the children to the third and the fourth generation.' Forgive the iniquity of this people according to the greatness of your steadfast love, just as you have pardoned this people, from Egypt even until now."
Then the Lord said, "I do forgive, just as you have asked; nevertheless -- as I live, and as all the earth shall be filled with the glory of the Lord -- none of the people who have seen my glory and the signs that I did in Egypt and in the wilderness, and yet have tested me these ten times and have not obeyed my voice, shall see the land that I swore to give to their ancestors; none of those who despised me shall see it.
--Numbers 14:17 - 23
Then Peter came and said to Jesus, "Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy times seven."
-- Matthew 18:21-22
So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil. ... Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.
-- Ephesians 4:25-32
"And now, therefore, let the power of the Lord be great in the way that you promised when you spoke, saying, "The Lord is slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the parents upon the children to the third and the fourth generation.' Forgive the iniquity of this people according to the greatness of your steadfast love, just as you have pardoned this people, from Egypt even until now."
Then the Lord said, "I do forgive, just as you have asked; nevertheless -- as I live, and as all the earth shall be filled with the glory of the Lord -- none of the people who have seen my glory and the signs that I did in Egypt and in the wilderness, and yet have tested me these ten times and have not obeyed my voice, shall see the land that I swore to give to their ancestors; none of those who despised me shall see it.
--Numbers 14:17 - 23
One who forgives an affront fosters friendship,
but one who dwells on disputes will alienate a friend.
--Proverbs 17:9
Then Peter came and said to Jesus, "Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy times seven."
-- Matthew 18:21-22So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil. ... Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.
-- Ephesians 4:25-32
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Gratitude: the Bible reminds us
O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever. Psalm 107 is among the many Psalms that remind us to give thanks.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5.16-18
I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now. Philippians 1.3-5
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5.16-18
I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now. Philippians 1.3-5
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Mindfulness: a search through the Bible
Mindfulness is awareness.
"A good place to start cultivating mindfulness is in the body." Jon Kabat-Zinn
We will start with some physical practices and exercises: breathing, listening, walking, and other aspects of daily life.
While we have talked about Buddhist tradition and here in the U.S. we often think of Buddhism when we think of meditation, I offer the following reflection and selections from the Bible on breath and breathing, listening and walking and mindfulness. We start with breath because that's where God started in Genesis 2:7 "then the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and the man became a living being."
Job 33:4, The spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.
Listening is used often in the Bible especially by the prophets, to call people to attention to what is going on in the world: Isaiah 18:3, All you inhabitants of the world, you who live on the earth, when a signal is raised on the mountains, look! When a trumpet is blown, listen! Isaiah 55:3 Incline your ear, and come to me; listen, so that you may live. Matthew 11:15 Let anyone with ears listen! Acts 28: 26-27 'Go to this people and say, You will indeed listen, but never understand, and you will indeed look, but never perceive. For this people’s heart has grown dull, and their ears are hard of hearing, and they have shut their eyes; so that they might not look with their eyes, and listen with their ears, and understand with their heart and turn—and I would heal them.' Our exercises in listening address the kinds of issues that these scriptures describe.
Walking also starts early on with God: Genesis 3:8, They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
The central tenet and prayer of Judaism regards walking as essential: Deuteronomy 10:12, So now, O Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you? Only to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments of the Lord your God and his decrees that I am commanding you today, for your own well-being.
Walking indeed is part of the Christian faith: 2 Corinthians 5:5-7 He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always confident; even though we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord— for we walk by faith, not by sight.
In fact, mindfulness starts with God's work of creation as described by the Psalmist: Psalm 8:3-4 When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars that you have established; what are human beings that you are mindful of them, mortals that you care for them?
God is mindful of us, and we are created in the image of God, so that we too may be mindful of all of creation, ourselves included.
"A good place to start cultivating mindfulness is in the body." Jon Kabat-Zinn
We will start with some physical practices and exercises: breathing, listening, walking, and other aspects of daily life.
While we have talked about Buddhist tradition and here in the U.S. we often think of Buddhism when we think of meditation, I offer the following reflection and selections from the Bible on breath and breathing, listening and walking and mindfulness. We start with breath because that's where God started in Genesis 2:7 "then the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and the man became a living being."
Job 33:4, The spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.
Listening is used often in the Bible especially by the prophets, to call people to attention to what is going on in the world: Isaiah 18:3, All you inhabitants of the world, you who live on the earth, when a signal is raised on the mountains, look! When a trumpet is blown, listen! Isaiah 55:3 Incline your ear, and come to me; listen, so that you may live. Matthew 11:15 Let anyone with ears listen! Acts 28: 26-27 'Go to this people and say, You will indeed listen, but never understand, and you will indeed look, but never perceive. For this people’s heart has grown dull, and their ears are hard of hearing, and they have shut their eyes; so that they might not look with their eyes, and listen with their ears, and understand with their heart and turn—and I would heal them.' Our exercises in listening address the kinds of issues that these scriptures describe.
Walking also starts early on with God: Genesis 3:8, They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
The central tenet and prayer of Judaism regards walking as essential: Deuteronomy 10:12, So now, O Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you? Only to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments of the Lord your God and his decrees that I am commanding you today, for your own well-being.
Walking indeed is part of the Christian faith: 2 Corinthians 5:5-7 He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always confident; even though we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord— for we walk by faith, not by sight.
In fact, mindfulness starts with God's work of creation as described by the Psalmist: Psalm 8:3-4 When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars that you have established; what are human beings that you are mindful of them, mortals that you care for them?
God is mindful of us, and we are created in the image of God, so that we too may be mindful of all of creation, ourselves included.
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